I Am Woman

Friday Quote

2011-11-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.

-- Marie Curie--

Inter-generational Cycle of Abuse

2011-11-15T05:41:00.000-08:00

Is there a generational cycle of abuse? Some of these examples of the impacts on children of living with domestic violence would suggest that children are growing up to replicate aspects of the behavior they themselves were subject to. In other words, research has shown that there is a cycle of abuse whereby patterns of abusive behavior are passed down through the generations.

Violence is a learned behavior that often is self-perpetuating. In fact, the single most influential factor of domestic violence in society is the continuation of a generational cycle of abuse and/or a history of abuse in the family of origin. When children bear witness to violence, they learn that the people you love the most may hurt you and the violence is the only way to handle conflict. Fear becomes a normal part of life. This is the way people are supposed to act. Women who saw their mother abused may grow to believe that if a man doesn't abuse them, he must not love them. And, as they learn, a generational cycle begins in which children grow up to either be abused or to be the abuser.

In addition, the link between domestic violence and child abuse, both emotional and physical, cannot be ignored. Domestic violence or child abuse rarely exist alone. When there is violence in a home it is often multifaceted. Children are frequently involved in episodes of domestic violence, either as witnesses, victims, or participants when they intervene to protect their mothers. This form of family violence can have a profound influence on the child. Those who have been abused in childhood may abuse or neglect their own children, perpetuating an inter-generational cycle of abuse. Violence begets violence. Child abuse, like domestic violence, replicates itself across generations.

A cycle of abuse is rarely broken without outside help. Without effective intervention, domestic violence becomes an inter-generational cycle. Abusers must confront and take responsibility for the verbal and physical abusive patterns of behavior. Both victim and abuser need to consider professional counseling as a means to stop the cycle of abuse. If you cannot find or cannot afford professional help, seek out public services to address the abuse in your home before it spirals out of control.

Quote of the Day

2011-11-14T04:04:00.000-08:00

"For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women."
—Elizabeth Blackwell
(The first woman in the U.S. to become a physician)

2011-11-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

Woman must not accept; she must challenge.
She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her;
she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression.

~ Margaret Sanger ~

Where to Turn for Help

2011-10-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

I have received several pleas for help from women who read this blog. I wish, with all my heart, I could reach out and help each and every woman who is being abused, but I am limited. I feel badly that I have not been able to respond to the pleas, but with no return email, there's not much I can do. And even if I could respond, the most I could do is lend a supportive ear. With that in mind, I'd like to offer the following:

In an emergency:

Call 911 or your country’s emergency service number if you need immediate assistance or have already been hurt.
For advice and support:

In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010
Australia: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800 200 526
Or visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a worldwide list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.

For a safe place to stay:
Call your state’s branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or another local organization. For contact information, visit State Resources.

Ritual Servitude

2011-08-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

Did you know that in some parts of the world, slavery is still occurring? And women are particularly vulnerable. For example,...

...Ritual servitude is still practiced in Ghana where traditional religious shrines take young girls in payment for services, or in religious atonement for alleged misdeeds of a family member. Trokosi which means slaves or wives of the gods, is practiced by a small tribe called Ewe in the Volta region. For centuries, girls as young as two have been given to priests in Ghana for life in payment for the crimes and today we find children as young as 6 years old are forced to work at hazardous labor in the fishing industry and on cocoa farms. After the onset of menstruation, the bondage also include sexual servitude and young girls are forced to work in houses of prostitution. It is common that a Trokosi has 10 to 15 children.

Once given to the priest, a girl becomes his property and is made to carry out domestic chores such as cooking and washing, as well as farming and fetching water. If a girl runs away or dies, or even if the priest tires of her, she must be replaced by another girl from the family. Some girls in ritual servitude are the third or fourth girl in their family suffering for the same crime, sometimes for something as trite as the loss of trivial property. If the priest should die, his Trokosi are passed on to his successor. Some girls do manage to get released, but they remain married to god for life. Many cannot marry, and remain indebted to the priest.

http://www.un.org/womenwatch/

http://www.un.org/ecosocdev/geninfo/afrec/vol15no4/154troko.htm

Friday's Quote

2011-07-29T05:32:00.000-07:00

“One in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime. This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognized pandemics of our time.” Violence against women is an appalling human rights violation. But it is not inevitable. We can put a stop to this.” – Nicole Kidman

The Silent Abuser done

2011-07-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

This weekend I met up with a friend on my way to run a few errands. I asked how her how the family was, and she said "Fine." I then asked how her husband was doing, and she gave a nervous laugh, "Oh, he's mad at me right. He's not talking to me." "I'm sorry," I replied. "Oh, you know how he gets when he gets this bug up his a... He'll get over it." Sadly, I do know how it is when he catches the bug. I've lived with one of those myself.

Many years ago I was involved with a man who, any time I did something he did not approve of, would give me the silent treatment. This would last for several days, sometimes even a week or more. I'd apologize for whatever it was that made him ignore me.... even though usually I had no idea what I was apologizing for, if there ever was anything to begin with. Eventually, I would find myself sobbing and pleading with him to talk it over, but he'd sit there acting like I didn't exist. At the time, I didn't really did think of this as a kind of emotional abuse, but as I look back on it now, it really was quite painful endure.

It is true, that whenever we hear someone talking about emotional abuse, the first thing we usually think of shouting and criticism. Most of us don't even realize that there is another form that we hear less of and often don't even think of it as abuse...the disengaging partner. The most common form of this is stonewalling, the spouse who refuses to accept anyone else's perspective. Stonewalling can consist of the following:

Refusal to compromise
Refusal to negotiate a conflict in good faith
Refusal to support the other's plans
Refusal to discuss honestly one’s motivations
Refusal to listen to another point of view with openness

The partner who is stonewalling may not be overtly putting you down, but he is, nevertheless, he punishing you by refusing even to think about your perspective. And, if he even listen to you at all, he does so dismissively or impatiently...hurtfully. The fact is, whenever someone is administering the silent treatment they are trying to show that they are dominant over you.

Silence is actually a silent form of anger that says you do not exist. Abusers use this as a form of punishment. It is their way of banishing you from their existence, a punishment that makes you feel unimportant and not cared about. It is used as a form of non-physical punishment and control because the abuser mistakenly thinks that if they don’t physically harm you then they are not abusers. Anyone who has ever experienced it from a loved one knows that it is a form of torture.  It is a calculated for of power/control over others. The abuser wants a submissive reaction from you to make themselves feel more powerful and better than you, and it does, indeed, work.

Getting the silent treatment from the person closest to you can be hurtful and frustrating. It can damage the individual's overall emotional health to the point where the victim report a sense of not belonging, loss of control, lower self-esteem and a feeling of unworthiness. And, because we don't understand the game they are playing, we tend to work very hard to win back the good graces of others but most males still do not. I remember how I used to cry, and because I didn't know any better, I would make sure that he saw me crying in the hopes that he would feel sorry and make up with me. Little did I know that I was falling right into his hands and doing exactly what he wanted.

Now, you might be saying, "I have given the silent treatment many times. Does that make me an abuser?" There is a difference between the silent treatment and what we think of as the cooling off period. The cooling off period is actually a good thing. It occurs when one is so angry or disgusted by the other person that they just cannot deal with the situation and need some to calm themselves down before they begin to speak to this person.
When I ran my batterers group, one technique they were taught was 'time out'. Before you are going to do or say something that you will regret, take time out. Go for a walk or go to another room. Above all, do nothing to escalate the situation.

On the other hand, the silent treatment is more along the lines of your doing something that angers the other person, then they don’t speak to you, acknowledge you or even make eye contact with you for sometimes days. Sometimes you don't even know what it is you were supposed to have done. Silent treatment is an abuse, and no matter what is said and done an abuse is unacceptable.

If you are being given the silent treatment, remember that it is best to stop giving any credence to these tantrums and let your abuser know that you have had enough. You don’t have to play the same game.   Tell them, no , insist, that they stop treating you this way. If you believe that there is hope for the relationship, then you must speak about your feelings in precise and clear terms. If not, and if the situation does not improve, perhaps it might be best to think about moving on with your own life.

Friday's Quote

2011-07-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

“Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated that approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States.” – Dianne Feinstein

Teen Age Violence

2011-07-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

“Domestic violence does not only happen to adults. Forty percent of girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend, and approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.”

– Dianne Feinstein--

One in four teens said they have been exposed to verbal, physical or sexual assault each year.

95% of the time, it is the boyfriend that abuses the girlfriend.

80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to see their abuser.

50% of you reporting both dating violence and rape also reported attempting suicide.

One in three women who are killed in the US are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

25% of female homicide victims are between the ages of 14-24 years.

A rape occurs every 2 minutes in the United States and 44% of victims are under the age of eighteen!

Obsessive Ex Syndrome

2011-07-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

There is a client in my woman's group who was sharing about how she and her new boyfriend were walking down the street when her ex jumped from an alley and grabbed her by the throat, pinning her up against the wall, all the while screaming that if he couldn't have her no one will. Luckily for her, her new boyfriend was there to save the day. It is unfortunate, but I foresee this episode happening again, perhaps next time with the new boyfriend for this women will only go out with what she calls bad boys. Mental illness is a must. Now, don't get me wrong. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with dating a man who has mental illness. The problem in this case is that she leads them on and pulls at their heart strings...and once she knows she has hooked them, she tosses them aside and moves onto the next man. I fear for her safety. I wish she would realize that dangerous game she is playing, but so far, she has refused to see.

Now not all cases are as clearcut as hers and unfortunately women all across the country are falling victim to an obsessive ex. Obsessive Ex Syndrome has become rampant. For reasons you decide to move on (date other people). The person who you thought was nice now begins to creep you out. At first it seems like nothing more than a difficult breakup, but soon it begins to feel more like stalking. Your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend, finding it mentally impossible to let go, keeps calling you and leaving messages, emailing you, visiting, arguing, and pleading with you to reconcile.

Next they may following, stalking or threatening you. It may soon escalate into personal violence, vandalizing your belongings. When left unchecked, this syndrome may eventually come to the point where the ex resorts to kidnapping, murder, or suicide. In fact, many reported cases of

husband murders wife are actually Obsessive Ex Syndrome. Therefore, it is important to recognize this syndrome in its early stages and take preventive steps. The longer the obsession persists without interruption or intervention, the more the obsesser will lose contact with reality. Doing nothing is not the answer. Obsessive Ex Syndrome must be identified in the early stages, and action be taken against its progression.

What Are Some Red Flags

Unannounced visits or surprises

Gifts, flowers

Notes on your car or your door
Frequent phone calls

Long emails telling you how much he loves you

Questions you about your whereabouts or who you were with

Propensity for violence

Apologies

2011-07-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I have apologies to make to all of you. I've let this blog go far too long, and it is too important to forget about. If any of my blogs should be kept going, it should be this one. Every day women are being abused, beaten, slain. According to recent FBI statistics, 30% of women killed in the United States die at the hands of a husband or boyfriend. Nearly 2 in 3 female victims of violence were related to or knew their attacker. One study revealed that half of the homicides of female spouses and partners were committed by men after separation from batterers. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

I also have to apologize to those who have made comments. Forgive me for not getting back to you. The materials here can be so emotionally overwhelming at times. I know that is no excuse. I'm reaching out to all of you who follow this blog. Please, help me keep this blog going. I'm inviting all of you to be a part of it. Tell your story, or the story of someone you know. Tell the story of a woman you admire or share one of your favorite women's quotes. This blog belongs to all of us, and together we are strong. Please let me know, and I will add you to the permission list to write for this blog. You will find my e-mail address to the right under the first picture.

A New Nation is Born

2011-07-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

This Saturday, July 9, 2011, after 2 civil wars and 5 decades of conflict, the Republic of South Sudan will declare its independence, and a new nation will be born. For more than 40 years, women have endured the atrocities of civil war, famine and tribal disputes, all as Sudan’s least valued citizens. After suffering sexual and gender-based violence and having their families torn apart for so long, the women of Sudan are desperate for peace....

...and things are starting to look up for them. For the first time in Sudan's history, women were able to add their votes and voices to the national debate over the future of their country. Women proudly walked to the polls on voting day, waiting in long lines, crying with tears of joy as they cast their vote. For them, independence represents a symbol of hope for a peaceful future and an opportunity for all Southerners, including women, to define their own destiny

Congratulations to the people in South Sudan.

Anne Hutchinson

2011-04-26T06:10:00.000-07:00

A woman of haughty fierce carriage, a nimble wit and an active spirit, and has a very voluble tongue, more bold than a man.--John Winthrop on Anne Hutchinson

The story of Anne Hutchinson is difficult of understanding by our generation. We take our religion more lightly—but perhaps not less reverently and lovingly—than the gaunt and stern Puritans who came from England to the Massachusetts Bay Colony in order that they might have liberty to worship God as they thought fit and power to deny the same liberties to everyone else. Her revolt was not against the accepted creed; indeed, she was a much a Puritan as the governor who exiled her. Her only crime was that she wanted to bear an equal share with men in the great affairs of the moment.

Anne Hutchinson was the daughter of a clergyman; she was born in Lincolnshire, England, in 1615. A Puritan, Hutchinson emigrated with her husband to America in 1634. She was 43 years old at the time. Hutchinson settled in Massachusetts Bay, where she soon obtained a following as a preacher, but also managed to anger a number of powerful people, specifically the clergy. Her crime was holding weekly meetings in her home to discuss the scriptures and theology. At first, her meetings were attended only by women, but later men began to attend the meetings as well.

Hutchinson began to claim that good conduct could be a sign of salvation and affirmed that the Holy Spirit in the hearts of true believers relieved them of responsibility to obey the laws of God. She also criticized New England ministers for deluding their congregations into the false assumption that good deeds would get them into heaven. A devoted wife and midwife, Anne dared to speak about the right to live according to conscience and not necessarily the law. She held discussions in her home where visitors felt free to question religious beliefs and to decry racial prejudice, including enslavement of Native Americans. Expressing these beliefs was precisely what led her to be expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony.

Recognizing her potential to disrupt the Massachusetts theocracy, in March 1638, Governor John Winthrop brought her to court on charges of heresy and lewd and lascivious conduct for having men and women in her house at the same time during her meetings. She was 46 years old, the mother of 12 living children, a grandmother, and pregnant with her 15th child when she was brought to trial, and she stood this trial alone, with no lawyer to defend her. She faced a panel of 49 powerful men, and if convicted, she faced banishment from the colony. Of course she was convicted, and sentence of banishment was pronounced upon her. "I desire to know wherefore I am banished?" she asked and Winthrop replied, "Woman, say no more; the court knows wherefore and is satisfied."

The Hutchinsons and their supporters went to live in Newport, Rhode Island. After the death of her husband 1642, Hutchinson and 14 of her children moved to the New Netherlands. A year later, the Siwanoy Indians burned down their house and scalped Anne and six of her children. Only one daughter survived.

Anne Hutchinson was a true American visionary, a true pioneer. Her only crime had been expressing religious beliefs that were different from the colony's rulers, and in the year 1637, in Massachusetts Bay Colony, that was against the law--especially for a woman. Long before the Constitution guaranteed free speech, Anne was defending hers, and although she had not succeeded in changing the laws of her time. But her courageous actions helped set the stage for an America in which religious freedom was a reality.

*Note: In 1987, Governor Michael Dukakis pardoned Anne, 350 years after John Winthrop had banished her for being a woman not fit for our society.

The Hutchinson River and the Hutchinson River Parkway in the eastern parts of Bronx and of Westchester County, New York, are her most prominent namesakes.

Women's Quote of the Day

2011-04-19T05:42:00.000-07:00

The spirit of the valley never dies. It is called the subtle and profound female. The gate of the subtle and profound female is the root of Heaven and Earth. It is continuous, and seems to be always existing. Use it and you will never wear out.

--Lao-tzu--
(The Way of Lao-tzu)

Quote of the Day

2011-04-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

Had there been a man behind each brilliant woman, there would have been women of achievement in history equal to the numbers of men in achievement.--Gerda Lerner from The Creation of Feminist Consciousness

Quote of the Day

2011-03-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

"We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies."

— Emily Dickinson, American poet-

First Female Vice Presidential Candidate Dies at Age 75

2011-03-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." - Thomas Campbell

Geraldine Ferraro, who in 1984 became the first woman to run for vice president on a major party ticket, died shortly before 10 am today, Saturday, March 26, 2011. She was 75. She was being treated for blood cancer.

Her acceptance speech had launched eight minutes of cheers, foot-stamping and tears.

"My name is Geraldine Ferraro," she had declared. "I stand before you to proclaim tonight: America is the land where dreams can come true for all of us."

May she rest in peace. Good bye, Geraldine.

On This Long Storm the Rainbow Rose

On this long storm the rainbow rose,
On this late morn the sun;
The clouds, like listless elephants,
Horizons straggled down.

The birds rose smiling in their nests,
The gales indeed were done;
Alas! how heedless were the eyes
On whom the summer shone!

The quiet nonchalance of death
No daybreak can bestir;
The slow archangel's syllables
Must awaken her.

--Emily Dickenson-

We Stand on the Shoulders of Giants

2011-03-15T06:03:00.000-07:00

Alice Paul

2011-03-10T08:22:00.000-08:00

International Women's Day: March 8

2011-03-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

This March 8th marks the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day; it is a day to reflect on the progress the world has made in advancing women’s rights, the work of the suffragettes, and to remind us what work still remains to be done to promote economic, social and political equality. Many parts of the world hold events and conferences on this day.

It was in 1908 that 15,000 women marched through New York City demanding improvements in poor working conditions, shorter hours, better pay and voting rights resulting in the formation of the first American Women's union. Then, in 1909 this strike was commemorated by the socialist party of America, and, finally, in 1910 at the socialist meeting in Copenhagen, it was voted that there should be a day to mark and support universal suffrage for women. Hence, in 1911 International Women’s Day was marked for the first time with groups of women and men demanding not only the right for women to vote but also women’s rights to work and to undertake vocational training.

On March 8, it is also a time to light a candle and honor those women who lost their lives throughout the years such as the 140 women garment workers who died in the 1911 Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire in New York City where the lack of health and safety measures and locked factory exits forced the young immigrant women to jump from factory windows to their deaths to escape the flames.

In Honor of Our Grandmothers

2011-03-07T05:25:00.000-08:00

On the "Night of Terror," November 15, 1917, 33 women were jailed for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote. By the end of the night, they were fighting for their lives.

With the approval of their warden, forty prison guards wielding clubs went on a rampage against the women, who were accused of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.'

They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.

They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Alice Cosu, Dora's cell mate, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack.

Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women, as their ordeal stretched into weeks.

The warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to 'teach a lesson' to the suffragists imprisoned there, because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote.

For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.

When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.

In February and March of 1919, just one year before women won the right to vote, 26 of the women who were imprisoned on that awful night in November, 1917, gathered together to tour the country on a cross-country speaking tour called the "Prison Special." Their stories describing their experiences as political prisoners must have had an important effect on their listeners, as the law was passed the next year.

"

Powerful Women, Powerful Qotes

2011-03-04T05:48:00.000-08:00

I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves. --
Mary Wollstonecraft

"If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them." -- Sojourner Truth (1797-1883)

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got. There is no yesterday, no tomorrow, it's all the same .... day.

-- Janis Joplin

“I am not afraid…I was born to do this.”

-Joan of Arc

Ida B. Wells 1862-1931

2011-03-03T07:25:00.000-08:00

Brave men do not gather by thousands to torture and murder a single individual, so gagged and bound he cannot make even feeble resistance or defense.

She was born in Holly Springs, Mississippi and reared and educated there. She was the oldest of eight children. When her parents died of yellow plague in 1880, she took it upon herself to leave school in order to become a teacher so she could support her five surviving brothers and sister. She taught her first school at the age of fourteen. At various times she was offered positions to teach elsewhere, but she always preferred to teach her people in the south. In 1888, she took a job teaching in Memphis.

It was while working as a schoolteacher in Memphis that she began writing for the city’s black newspaper, The Free Speech and Headlight. Her writings exposed and condemned the inequalities and injustices that were so common in the Jim Crow South...segregation, lack of educational and economic opportunity for African-Americans, and especially the arbitrary violence that white racists used to intimidate and control their black neighbors. And then, when a friend and respected store owner of Ida was lynched in 1892, she used the paper to attack the evils of lynching and encouraged the black townsfolk to head west.

It was her insistence on publicizing the evils of lynching that won her many enemies in the South, and in 1892 she left Memphis for good when an angry mob wrecked the offices of The Free Speech and warned that they would kill her if she ever tried to come back. Ida moved north to Chicago, but continued to write about the racist violence in the former Confederacy, campaigning for federal anti-lynching laws (which were never passed) and organizing on behalf of many civil rights causes, including woman suffrage.

In March 1913, as she was preparing to join the suffrage parade through President Woodrow Wilson’s inaugural celebration, she was asked by organizers to stay away from the procession. It seems that some of the white suffragists refused to march alongside blacks. How hypocritical is that? Although the early suffrage activists had generally supported racial equality, by the beginning of the 20th century, that was rarely the case. In fact, many middle-class caucasians embraced the suffragists’ cause because they believed that the enfranchisement of their women would guarantee white supremacy by neutralizing the black vote. Ida, true to her cause, created a stir and joined the march anyway, refusing to march in the back with the other black delegates. Her experience showed that to many white suffragists, equality did not apply to everyone.

After her retirement, she wrote her autobiography, Crusade for Justice. One of her greatest accomplishments was to successfully block the establishment of segregated schools in Chicago, working with Jane Addams, the founder of Hull House. By 1930 she became disillusioned with what she felt were the the weak candidates from the major parties to the Illinois state legislature and decided to run herself. Thus, she became one of the first black women ever to run for public office in the United States. Within a year she passed away after a lifetime crusading for justice. She died of uremia in Chicago on March 25, 1931, at the age of 68. She had continued to fight for civil rights for all until the day she died.

Elizabeth 1, the Virgin Queen

2011-03-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

I do not want a husband who honours me as a queen, if he does not love me as a woman.

She was the daughter of King Henry VIII and his second wife, Anne Boleyn, the last of the Tudor Monarchs of England, one of the greatest rulers during the countries Golden Age. Henry had always wanted a son and heir to succeed him, so her birth was probably the biggest disappointment in his life. He already had a daughter, Mary, by his first wife. Her childhood was one that we would today call dysfunctional. Her mother, after failing to provide the King with an heir, was executed on false charges of incest and adultery in 1536. Her mother's marriage to the King was then declared null and void leaving Elizabeth, just as her half- sister declared as illegitimate and deprived of her place in the line of succession.

During the following years, Elizabeth saw her father go through a succession of wives, and it was through his marriage to Jane Seymour, Henry finally got the son he longed for, Edward, but Jane died giving birth to him. Then there was Anne of Cleves who the King soon divorced, Catherine Howard who was beheaded, and finally Catherine Parr. Could this constant succession of bride changing be at the core of Elizabeth's refusal to marry? Or was it a fear of childbirth which claimed the lives of many women during this period?

Henry did make sure that, as a child, Elizabeth received quite an impressive education, although I think the reason for this had little to do with his desire to educate Elizabeth, but by this time period, it had become fashionable amongst the nobility to educate their daughters as well as sons. Thus, was taught by famous scholars , and from an early age, she excelled in her studies...especially languages, and by adulthood, she was able to speak five languages very fluently.

When Henry died in the January of 1547, her brother became King Edward VI, and Elizabeth now found herself vulnerable to those who saw her as a political pawn, for despite being declaring her illegitimate, Henry had reinstated his daughters in the line of succession. Mary was to follow Edward, and Elizabeth was to follow Mary. This meant that Elizabeth was now second in line to the throne. Edward, only 9 years old, was far too young to rule the country by himself so his uncle, Edward Seymour, became Protector of England. King Edward died in the summer of 1553, and Mary took the throne.

Mary was not a particularly popular monarch, and when she died in November, 1558, Elizabeth was welcomed as Queen. Mary's reign had been short, but it had been barbaric, earning Mary the title Bloody Mary. As Queen, Mary, in trying to restore England to Catholicism, plunged England into a dark age and left England impoverished. Elizabeth, on the other hand worked hard to maintain peace and stability and always tried to please her subjects. She was inspired to create a prospering country by both her need to please the common people and the need to prove to all that she was wise, strong and powerful, even though she was a woman. And what she lacked in feminine warmth, she more than made up for in the wisdom she had gained from a difficult and unhappy youth.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, what a feeling of supreme triumph it must have been for the unwanted daughter who had spent her life in the shadow of the court, cast aside and forgotten, and now that she was Queen, Elizabeth was determined to enjoy her new-found freedom to the hilt. She loved all kinds of sports, especially horseback riding; she also loved hunting, music and dancing, pageantry, watching plays, and could even play the lute herself with a great deal of skill. Elizabeth had no time for those Puritan theologians who deemed such things impious...and it was her love of the arts that was responsible for the flourishing of the literary masterpieces of the period.

Meanwhile, marriage proposals were pouring in, but Elizabeth became the only English monarch who chose not to marry, thus denying herself a chance to secure an heir. And when King Phillip of Spain sent his mighty fleet against England, She oversaw her fleets' victory against the Spanish Armada off the coast of England's Southern shores and her popularity rose in another personal triumph as she had proved that she, a woman, could lead in war as well as any man.

Elizabeth was dedicated to her country in a way few monarchs had been or have been since. She was political genius who nurtured her country through careful leadership and by choosing capable men to assist her. She was a determined woman, yes, but she was always willing to listen to the advice of those around her. In 1558, she had taken over the rule of an impoverished country which had been torn apart by religious squabbles, but, when she died at Richmond Palace on the March 24, 1603, after a great reign that lasted 45 years, England had become one of the most powerful and prosperous countries in the world. She had changed not only the way the world looked at Britain, but also how people looked at the world.

Agnodice: How One Woman Can Make a Difference

2011-03-01T05:45:00.000-08:00

(She is credited with being the world's first female gynecologist.)

Agnodice (ca 400 BC) is the name of the earliest midwife mentioned among the Greeks. She native of Athens where it was forbidden by law for a woman or a slave to study or practice medicine. So, she cut off her hair, donned men's clothing, and managed to gain an education by disguising herself as a man. Agnodice, concerned over the numbers of women dying or undergoing extreme and unnecessary risk or protracted pain in childbirth because they dreaded calling for medical assistance, devoted herself chiefly to the study of midwifery and the diseases of women.

When she completed her training and went into practice she retained male attire, but made known her sex to her patients, and as word of Agnodice spread among the women in the community, the male doctors found their services refused by the women. In fact, her engagements became so numerous that the male practitioners became enraged, and, unaware if gender, brought the young midwife before the council under a charge of seducing women. Agnodice was forced to declare her sex by lifting her tunic in front of the judges in order to avoid the death penalty for corrupting women. The male doctors now shifted their complaints to the fact that she had broken the law that forbade women to practice medicine...

...but the doctor's own wives appeared in court and testified in her defense. They boldly and loudly appealed to the judge's feelings and interests, and even threatened to die with Agnodice if they tried to execute her. Bowing to the women's pressure, the men not only released Agnodice, but changed the law as well. After that, any freeborn Athenian woman could become a physician as long as she only treated women patients.

Women's History Month

2011-02-28T05:37:00.000-08:00

"I'm a woman / Phenomenally / Phenomenal woman, / that's me." --Maya Angelou

Every March is Woman's History Month in the United States. It is a time for all of us to honor the sacrifices, accomplishments and contributions of women throughout history. It is time to celebrate the opportunities and dreams given us by generations past. It is time to praise women! And not just women from the United States...This means women from all over the world.

During this month, this blog will reflect upon those great women of our past and present who have shaped history. Each of them embraced, struggled against society and endured hardships while triumphantly pursuing their cause, and in so doing, they have aroused and empowered generations of other women to do the same. But dissimilar and assorted as they were, all of these women had one thing in common. They were true to themselves; they were courageous and willing to fight for their beliefs. These are the women who changed history.

National Women's History Month has been celebrated in the United States since 1987.

2011-02-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

Woman must not accept; she must challenge. She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression. - Margaret Sanger

Kate Sheppard

2011-02-22T06:13:00.000-08:00

She was born in Liverpool, England in 1847 and is considered the foremost advocate of women's suffrage in New Zealand history. Kate Sheppard was the leader of New Zealand's suffragette movement. her persistent lobbying led to a Women's Suffrage Bill being presented to Parliament, and determined agitation under her leadership, led to Women's suffrage being achieved in 1893 so that all New Zealand women, including Maori women, were the first in the world to be given the vote.

In 1894, she told an interviewer in London, 'we asked for the suffrage, not on the grounds that it would help us to advance social and moral reforms, but as an act of justice.' in 1893. Women in Australia would not gain suffrage until 1902, in the United Kingdom not until 1918 for women over 30, and in the United States, not until 1920.

Kate died at her home on 13 July 1934, and was buried in Addington cemetery with her mother, a brother and a sister. The Christchurch Times
reported her death in simple appreciation: 'A great woman has gone, whose name will remain an inspiration to the daughters of New Zealand while our history endures.'

After the battle for universal suffrage was finally won in 1893,she continued to work for women’s progress, helping to establish the National Council of Women and becoming its first president. To her belongs much of the credit for advancing the rights of New Zealand women. Kate was a source of inspiration to suffragists, both in New Zealand and throughout the world.

A Strong Woman

2011-02-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
but a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessing
and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face...
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that
she will become strong.

--Anonymous--

Restrictions Proposed for Afghan Women's Shelters

2011-02-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

The Ministry of Justice of the Afghan government is considering a draft resolution on Women's Protection Centers allow it to take over management of the shelters and require women who are fleeing domestic violence situations to appear before and eight person government panel before obtaining shelter. Under this new regulation, the shelters, which are currently funded by international organizations, Western governments, and individual donors, would be placed under the control of the government. In fact, this would most like result in the closure of some of the only 14 shelters active today.

Not only will this committee will determine whether women should be admitted to a shelter, jailed (yes, jailed) or returned to their families. If admitted to the shelter, women would then be required to submit to compulsory forensic examinations, which could include a virginity test. Such examinations could be traumatic for women especially since there are only limited female forensics. Moreover, women could be expelled from the shelter if their families requested that they return.

Women's rights groups, including Human Rights Watch, Women for Afghan Women and the Afghan Human Rights Commission, have expressed concern that the new laws would deter vulnerable women and girls from seeking necessary protections and shelter. Personally, I see know protection for women at all. It stymies me that they would even think of placing a woman in jail when she is a victim. I mean, does it ever end?

Stop Honor Killing

2011-02-07T05:42:00.000-08:00

Honor Killing and Honor Crime involves violence against women and girls including such acts as beating, battering, and killing by a family member or members of a family who believe that the woman has brought dishonor upon the family. A woman is usually targeted for refusing to go along with an arranged marriage, being the victim of a sexual assault, seeking a divorce (even from an abusive husband), or committing adultery or fornication.

These sexual indiscretions can range from something as simple as talking to a man without permission to falling victim to rape. This so-called loss of a woman's honor is believed to particularly shame her male relatives since women embody the honor of men whose property they are said to be. The male feels no shame or remorse for committing the act of murder because he has convinced himself that killing his sister or his daughter deserved it. The traditional wisdom is that an unchaste woman deserves to die.

Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of women are murdered by family members each year in the name of honor. It's difficult to get exact numbers on the phenomenon because most of the murders go unreported, the perpetrators unpunished, and the concept of family honor justifies the act in the eyes of some societies.

In Honor Killings known as karo-kari, women have been shot, burned to death, or hacked into pieces. There is also a gruesome tradition in some cultures when brothers kill their sisters to salvage the family's honor. For example, in Amman, Jordan, a man stabbed his older sister to death for disgracing the family with her sexual promiscuity. Another Jordanian man stabbed his sister 25 times because she married an Egyptian against her family's wishes; she was 8 months pregnant at the time. This week, a 14 year old Pakistanian girl was allegedly killed by her family for refusing to marry a man they proposed, and in Jaipur, a man slashed his sister's throat because she had an extra-marital affair. On November 2, 2009,
Noor Faleh Almaleki was murdered in Arizona by her own father, Faleh Almaleki, because she was too Westernized. Noor died from the injuries she received when her father brutally mowed her down with his car.

Honor Killings are not exclusively a Muslim phenomenom; in fact, they are found all over Europe and even here in the United States...although not as in Muslim countries. UNICEF has reported that in India, more than 5,000 brides are killed annually because their marriage dowries are considered insufficient.

There is nothing in the Koran, the book of basic Islamic teachings, that permits or sanctions honor killings. However, the view of women as property with no rights of their own is deeply rooted in Islamic culture.--Tahira Shahid Khan, a professor specializing in Women's issues at the Aga Khan University in Pakistan

http://www.stophonourkillings.com/

Emotional Abuse and Children

2011-02-02T14:26:00.000-08:00

There is no doubt that emotional abuse can be as damaging as actual physical abuse, and many times this abuse is inflicted on children by the parents. This is the worst kind of abuse because while a child is small, and even into their teenage years, it is almost impossible to escape the wrath of the parent unless the child leaves home. I know that was my situation. My mom was verbally abusive to me; she called me the worst kind of names and eventually, I was forced to leave the house...but not before she had beaten me down to the point where I really believed that I was never going to amount to anything.

Leaving the home didn't do much to rectify the situation because the damage had already been done. I literally had no self-esteem and drew men into my life who took full advantage of the vulnerable young woman I had become. All I wanted was love, but it seems that all I got was further abuse. This is because we draw into our lives that which we already know.

Sadly, the long-term effects of emotional abuse can scar the child for the rest of their lives unless they seek counseling and therapy.

As adults, it is important to recognize the signs of emotional trauma and abuse. For those of us who have lived through it, this might be easy to see; for others, there are certain things to look for. To begin with, the parent or parents will choose one particular child to use as their scapegoat. This child will be the one who has to put up with all of the parents criticism; many times this child is blamed for everything that goes wrong in the parent's life.

In addition, this child may have to listen to the parent calling them names, telling them they will never amount to anything, even go as far as calling their own child ugly, fat, stupid etc. As an only child, I got it all...all the anger directed at me. My mom's favorite words to me were, "You're going to end up a fat old drunk like your father." Is it any wonder that I had my first drink at age 14? Or that it took me so many years to come into recovery? After all, isn't this what my mom had told me I would be? Hence, the long line of abusers, addicts, gamblers, etc. Thankfully, I found recovery 20 years ago and with it, I learned that I wasn't that fat old drunk. I never was. But, there were so many years in between, so many years of abuse that didn't have to be.

The following signs that children may be being mistreated:

Learning problems that cannot be explained
No adult supervision
Withdrawal from others
No desire to go home after school or other activities
Fearfulness, as though waiting for something bad to happen
Changes in school performance or behavior
Has untreated medical conditions

So, what does one do when the signs have been identified? I believe that first need to confront the parent even if you are afraid of the

consequences. Perhaps they will welcome someone to talk to, and if not, the heck with them. The child is the one who is important in this case. You may want to talk to a school counselor. The counselor can give you advice on how to further cope with the terrible situation.

If the abuse is extreme, it may be time to confide with a close family friend or relative to possibly make arrangements for the child to be removed from the home. It is also important to contact child protective services. I know that in some states, especially here in the city, they have a horrible reputation, but if one allows them to, they WILL help. I have a client whose child was removed due to drug use in the home, and they have helped her to seek treatment, further her education, and now are helping her find appropriate housing for herself and the child.

Emotional abuse is a horrible way to live. I know from experience; it can literally eat you alive. It may take many years to overcome your trauma, and then again, sadly, you may never get over it. But, we have obligation, an obligation to save other children from what we have experienced. If you see a child who is obviously in pain, remember the pain you felt, and reach out to help. You will be saving that child from a lifetime of pain and abuse.

Don't Be a Victim

2011-01-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

Anger that’s used to control, manipulate, and hold another emotionally hostage is out of control and abusive. It typically starts with name-calling, emotional jabs at a person’s self-worth, painful teasing, public insults. It progresses from there. Eventually the abuser is yelling, grabbing, pushing, slapping, and becoming increasingly aggressive and violent. Remorse follows. So too does more abuse. Even just one of these tactics is abuse, and it won’t stop without serious intervention. If you or your children are being treated in this fashion, please seek help.--Meg Wilson, “Hope After Betrayal”

2011-01-25T06:05:00.000-08:00

"We are talking about everyone's lives are touched by this issue, whether it be our children, or our mothers or our sisters. So many women. The most important thing I can do here today is start this dialogue that we're having ."

— Reese Witherspoon asking people to speak out on Domestic Violence, an issue that affects one in three around the world.

The Sociopathic Partner

2011-01-24T09:52:00.000-08:00

He is a sociopath masquerading under a schizophrenia diagnosis, the doctor said. Actually, today we don't commonly call them sociopaths. It is more common to say they have an antisocial personality disorder. Individuals with this disorder cab appear very charming and become involved in relationships, but to them, the relationship is in name only. They so easily end them whenever necessary or when it suits them. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so. The doctor's words made me think about more than one relationship that I have been in.

DSM-IV Definition

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.

Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)

1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:

A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.

B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.

C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.

D. Repeated assaults on others.

E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.

F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.

G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.

2. At least eighteen years in age.

3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.

4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.

The sociopath is manipulative and cunning. Although they may appear charming, they also possess another side which they hide well. In fact, they are really rather hostile and domineering seeing their victim as someone to be used; hence, they often dominate and humiliate their victims.(My ex loved to dominate and humiliate me out in public. He took great joy in calling me names and watching me cringe with embarrassment. A true sociopath, he never said he was sorry.)

The sociopath has a rather grandiose sense of self. He/she feels entitled to certain things as their right, and they know how to manipulate to get what they want. (My ex was an actor; not a big actor, but he had some 'bit' parts, but according to him, he was 'the star'. He made it impossible to be happy for him. He also worked as a 'bouncer' in a New York City nightclub. He made $50 a night. In those days, that wasn't a bad paycheck. I worked at the time as a case coordinator for a city run home care agency. If the ex got an acting call on one of those days he was supposed to work at the club, he told me that 'I' had to give him the $50 to make up the pay he was losing, like I owed him...and like a fool, I always handed it to him.)

The sociopath is pathological liar. He has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. He has the ability to create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. He can be very convincing and has even able to pass lie detector tests. (One trait the ex wasn't very good at, but I did have an old boyfriend who could look me in the eye and tell me a tale so huge that I had to wonder how gullible he really thought I was.)

The sociopath lacks feelings of remorse, shame or guilt. There is a deep-seated rage which is split off and repressed at his core. He does not see others around him as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way. (I have a knot on my leg to this day, a result of being hit with a chair while the ex was having a fit of rage. I was never a person to him; at first I was a target since I was such a naive country gal and once he had snared me, I became the victim. No matter what he did to me, how much he ever hurt me both physically and emotionally, I never heard the two words, 'I'm sorry'. And that's because he NEVER was sorry.)

The sociopath has a need for stimulation. He lives on the edge. Promiscuity and gambling are common. (My ex was a gambler. While I was at work, he would be hanging out in the neighborhood OTB all day. Sometimes he would win, but I never saw any of that. Even though he always had me replenish his losses from my salary, he NEVER shared his winnings. That was 'his' money, and according to him, "I didn't deserve any of it.')

The sociopath is callous and suffers from a lack of empathy. He is unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. (One night I was very sick. I had the flu and had bruised my ribs by coughing so much. Feverish, I was barely able to take care of myself, let alone two young boys. He was going out, and I begged him to stay home and help. He just sneered at me and said, 'Too bad. You're just going to have to take care of them the best you can.' and he left. Later, a neighbor had to take me to the emergency room.)

The sociopath has poor behavioral controls. Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. The sociopath believes that he is all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others. (Everyone here knows my story. The rage and abuse I was subjected to. The small expressions of love were generally lacking, but one must realize that women in an abusive relationship over time begin to associate abuse with love.)

Other Related Qualities:

Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
Authoritarian, rules the household Paranoid (Had to touch on this one. When the ex was struck with a cab one night, he literally blamed me for it, stating that 'I wished it on him.')
Conventional appearance
Goal of enslavement of their victim(s) Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
Incapable of real human attachment to another

Sounds pretty much like an abusive husband, doesn't it?

Quote of the Day

2011-01-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

"Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." --Eleanor Roosevelt

Bride Burning

2011-01-20T08:57:00.000-08:00

Please light a candle and say a prayer for our sisters.

Did you know that every hour and forty minutes a woman is lit on fire? Neither did I. The fact is there are many of us may who are not aware of this practice. Bride Burning is a form of domestic violence practiced in certain countries such as India and Southeast Asia. In bride burning the man, or his family, douses his wife with flammable liquid and sets the woman her on fire, leading to death by fire. The biggest cause of this horrific act is dowry; it usually occurs when her family refuses to pay any additional dowry (material gifts given to the bride by her family at the time of the wedding).

The following video broke my heart. I couldn't stop the tears.

Dowries are as old as India, but in recent years the stakes have risen. The bride's family is expected to hand over cash and gifts such as televisions, cars and refrigerators, and although against the law in India since 1961, it is quite commonplace for a bride to enter into a marriage with a significant dowry paid by her family, including jewelery, appliances, vehicles, furniture, even a house for the couple. In many cases, the police are told the victim was killed by an exploding stove, and there is no prosecution.

Every day a woman lives in fear of the day it will be her.

Repost: I Got Flowers Today

2011-01-19T14:52:00.000-08:00

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday
or any special day.
We had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry
and didn’t mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary
or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day
or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.

Quotes

2011-01-17T10:29:00.000-08:00

Every woman who thinks she is the only victim of violence has to know that there are many more.

– Salma Hayek

There is a subconscious way of taking violence as a way of expression, as a normality, and it has a lot of effects in the youth in the way they absorb education and what they hope to get out of life.

– Salma Hayek

Iranian Human Rights Lawyer Sentenced

2011-01-15T13:26:00.000-08:00

(Update) I am a little late with this. Sorry.

Not to long ago I posted a story on Nasrin Sotoudeh, the Iranian Human Rights lawyer who was arrested on September 4th and held in solitary confinement until her trial began on November 15th. She was charged with (allegedly) acting against state security, assembling, and collusion with intent to disrupt national security. She was also charged for working with the Center for Human Rights Defenders, an organization founded by Nobel Laureate, Shirin Ebadi. Recently, she was sentenced to 11 years in prison; in addition, she has been prohibited from practicing law or leaving Iran for the next 20 years.

Before her arrest, Sotoudeh was a member of the One Million Signatures Campaign and on the board of directors of the Society for Defense of Children's Rights. She has broken no laws, but is being jailed because she has upheld law in a judicial system intent on violating human rights. She

has represented several of the more than one hundred activists and political figures who have been tried on charges of fomenting unrest after Iran's disputed presidential election in June, 2009.

Sotoudeh, who has been in Evin Prison since September 4, went on a hunger strike to protest the conditions of her illegal arrest, but because of her children, ended it after a few days. Afterwards, she began a dry hunger strike when she was deprived of her legal rights, , such as the right to telephone calls and visits from her family members and her two young children along with the gross mishandling of her case. She broke her dry hunger strike on November 11th and ended her hunger strike, which lasted a total of 50 days, following the trial.

One Woman's Journey

2011-01-12T10:23:00.000-08:00

This one is guaranteed to make you cry. And hopefully, if you are in an abusive relationship, wake you up before it is too late. I cry every time I watch this video.

Leaving An Abusive Husband...My Story

2011-01-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

Many years ago I was the victim of abuse...physical, mental, and emotional. I was a young mother of two boys with limited skills who was actually more fearful of being on my own than living with my abuser. If it had only been me to think about, then it might have been different, but my boys were so young. And, the physical abuse had stopped thanks to my fighting back one day. He was raging one day, and I picked up the phone to call the police. He stepped menacingly forward to grab the phone, and I don't know where it came from, but I took the receiver of the phone and smashed him across the head with it. The man was in total shock, and from that day on, never raised a finger against me for fear I would ruin his pretty face and his acting career.

The mental and emotional crap continued though, and although I didn't realize it at the time, that was wearing me down more than any of his physical beatings had. So I sat and sat and listened to him berating me. After all, that was nothing new. I'd been berated ever since I was a child. Oh, there were many times that I packed clothes for me and the kids and hid the suitcases, sure that was the time I would make my break, but he worked late night shifts at a bar and didn't leave for work until after 11pm. So, by then the kids would be fast asleep, and I'd be just too darned drained.

Then, one night I got the nerve. I called a cab, woke the kids, and went to an emergency shelter for battered women. Now, anyone reading this, mind you, this is a different time that we are living in. I'm talking 25 to 30 years ago. Things were not in place like they are in our day and age. In those days, there was little retreat or safe houses for a woman to go to. We had very little in the way of alternatives back then, and I found myself and my sons housed in a welfare hotel in the middle of Manhattan. Roaches and mice ran rampant. The money provided for food was barely enough to feed my sons, so most of the time, I went hungry.

It was a cold November and I can remember sitting in our hotel room and looking down at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was the only time I had been that close to it. My youngest son had caught a chill and he was so sick. Took him to the doctor the Friday after Thanksgiving, and he was given antibiotics, but there is no way they helped, because they had me running back and forth to welfare. Then, my worker gave me some great news. They found an apartment for me...nothing extravagant, a two bedroom in the Bronx. I was given all the necessary paperwork for welfare so they could cut me the rent checks. I sat in that welfare office with my sons from morning til night. My sick son was burning with fever, and my well son was running around carrying on like any toddler would under the circumstances....

...and then 5 pm came, and I was told that I would have to come back tomorrow. I cried, I begged, but none of the workers would budge. Once again, I had been beaten down. I didn't go back to the welfare hotel that night. I went back home to my husband, and the "I told you so's" and the threats that if I ever tried to take his boys away again, he would kill me. If I wanted to go so bad, I could go; just leave the boys with him. So, I lasted another 7 years, another 7 years of put downs, of threats, of cowering in fear...and one day, something awoke in me...

....and I knew that if I didn't leave, I was going to die...by his hand or my own. And my sons, what were they learning? My youngest was always asking me, "Why does daddy always yell at you? Are you bad?" What kind of husbands would they become? Was it already too late for them? Fortunately, it wasn't. Times had changed in those 7 years, and there was more in place for women like me. No more rodent infested hotel. Now they had safe houses where about 6 women and their children shared a home. We took turns helping each other out. No more dragging the children to the welfare office. And, we pooled our funds together so our children...and ourselves...never went without a home-cooked meal...

...and my sons thrived....and I thrived. When people ask, I say, "Yes, I am a survivor." I will admit that the first few years were a struggle, financially and emotionally, as I went through the process of counseling and rebuilding my shattered self-esteem. And, the fear factor remained. I was always looking over my shoulder, but as time went on, and my ex found a new love, I worked with the courts and allowed the boys to visit. After all, he was their father. Meanwhile, I met my new hubby and we have been together now for 19 years. The boys respect him because he respects me. I discovered that, when you build up your own confidence, and exude a sense of pride in yourself, you open yourself up to a different type of man. Love, real love, had finally entered my life.

My ex died in 1996 of a rare form of groin cancer. His father and mother also died within three months of each other. May they all rest in peace.

Taking the Weekend Off

2011-01-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

"The biggest challenge is to convince a woman that it's not her fault. My daughter is 25; my stepdaughter is 22. As a mother, I want them to know that if a boyfriend is abusive, you cannot ignore it ‑- 'Oh, he's been drinking,' or 'He had a bad day.' There is no excuse for a man hitting a woman. Ever."
--Sen. Debbie Stabenow, Michigan

Taking the weekend off from blogging. Have to food shop, cook, and take all the Christmas stuff down. Going to be a busy weekend. Hoping everyone has a blessed weekend, and I will see you on Monday.

The Obsessive Ex

2011-01-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

Many years ago I had an alcoholic boyfriend who just didn't want to 'let go' after I broke up with him. If it wasn't a barrage of telephone calls threatening suicide if I didn't go back with him, it was the stalking. It was like wherever I went, there he was. I was quite the risk-taker back then, young and fool-hearted, and he didn't scare me. I thought nothing of approaching his car and ordering him to leave me alone. Today, I know better. Today I know that an obsessive ex can be more than just annoying; today I realize that he can be downright dangerous. Some people are totally unable to let go of a partner after a break, and their stalking, calling, harassing, and sometimes even threatening can take quite an emotional toll on the victim.

A balanced person will eventually realize that the relationship is indeed over and move on. An obsessive ex does not see a break-up the same way and will not accept that the relationship is over. In his view, that is not her decision to make. He may just think the argument is a little more serious than others, after it is over, the partner will take them back. One word stalkers cannot seem to comprehend is the word No. After all, it is totally unthinkable that their partner may not want them. Rejection is not even in their vocabulary. To them it is maybe and no matter what you do to get rid of them they will see things differently. They often believe their ex loves them even when they do not. This delusional thinking makes it so hard for a victim to get the point across.

They will work as hard as they can to get back the person of their dreams...you. Next comes the pleading and the romantic gestures which are often looked upon with pity, and it is not uncommon for family and friends to encourage the person who has ended the relationship to take the ex back. Stalkers have a knack for bending the truth. My mom thought my ex was the greatest and that I was making a big mistake letting him go. Of course, I also heard that I would never attract anything better.

If you think your ex has turned stalker, stop all communication with If others try to persuade you to see them, tell them it is your decision to make, not theirs. Do not respond any of their texts emails or letters. If you have been communicating on the Internet with them, stop immediately. Change your email address and any nickname you may have used. Set yourself up with a brand new identity.

If they do not stop hassling you go to the police or your local law enforcement agency. Remember, there have been any number of tragic

cases where obsessive behaviour/stalking by ex-partners has led to violence – even rape or murder. By taking your situation seriously and getting help, now you are taking steps to protect yourself and your family.

Quote of the Day

2011-01-06T16:20:00.000-08:00

Attracting What We Know

2011-01-05T07:34:00.000-08:00

Dear readers, have you ever had something in mind that you wanted to write about; in fact, already have it written, and then something starts gnawing away at you, and you know it is something important that has to be written and shared....and as you begin to type, the words just start flowing? This, my friends, is what happened to me this morning. This is a post that HAD to be written.

The other day I read a comment where someone wondered if we attracted what we know, and my response would be an indisputable yes. We are emotionally drawn to those people who feel familiar on our energetic level; i.e., those people who are on the same emotional vibrational level as we are. We find ourselves drawn to them and they to us, and it feels as if we have a strong connection to them. In other words, we are attracted to people whose emotional dynamic is similar to our early experiences of intimacy and love...and this is usually our parents.

“The healthy man does not torture others. Generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.” – Carl Jung

Males grow up seeing Dad physically or emotionally abuse Mom and feel that this is all right; this is the way relationships are supposed to be. Yes, they are wrong, and I am not making excuses for them, but this is all they know. This is what they equate with love, and the cycle continues until one day, one brave little boy decides he doesn't want to be like Daddy, or the abuser confronts and takes responsibility for the verbal and physical abusive patterns of behavior and seeks outside help....and, sadly, that is rare. All of the men who I have worked with all find a way to blame the wife.

This generational cycle also holds true for the victim. A woman who has spent her life watching Dad abuse Mom develops unrealistic beliefs of what constitutes love. Many women equate abuse with love...if he doesn't hit me, he doesn't love me. In my case, I was never witness to abuse of any kind. My parents HAD no relationship, each choosing to live together for the sake of the child, but living separate lives. Mom was never around; she worked all day, came home, ate dinner and freshened up, and then she leave and spend the rest of the evening with her boyfriend. My dad was an alcoholic, and all he cared about was having a six-pack in the refrigerator waiting for him when he got home....what you would call a dysfunctional family...

...and as a result, I grew up to become a dysfunctional adult. I attracted what I knew...men who had problems--alcoholics, drug addicts, a sex addict, a gambling addict--and, when one is in the throes of addiction they can become quite violent. It took me far too many years to realize that I may not have been abused as a child, but I had been wounded and focusing on men with issues kept me from looking into myself...so, in order to avoid going within, I kept drawing men on the same vibrational level into my life. One relationship would no sooner break up than I would find myself in another. I literally was drawing men into my life with a sickness like my father...

...and no matter how much I was making a conscious effort not pick anyone like my parents, my energy was attracting those people into my life whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to my first experience of love. Many of us spend our lives searching for our soul mates, but those of us who grew up with dysfunctional families, had better watch out, for these may be exactly the people who will fit your patterns and recreate your wounding...

...We get involved with people who are unavailable because WE are unavailable. We continue to be attracted to people who feel familiar because on some level, we are still trying to prove our worth by earning the love and respect of our unavailable parents. We throw our lives into rescuing the other person because that will prove our worthwhen the truth is, we need them to rescue us because of our lack of self-worth. It can become an endless cycle because the more we rely on dysfunctional people to prove our worth, the less worth we have for they drain it from us.

Sadly, until we realize that it is not possible to love someone enough to make someone to stop hating or being unavailable, we need to let go of the delusion that we can be someone's savior, and we need to take the focus off others and place it on healing our self...on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to choose those who can never provide us what we want and need emotionally. Taking time to develop develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves is imperative before we will ever be capable of being available for a healthy relationships.

Every woman who thinks she is the only victim of violence has to know that there are many more.– Salma Hayek

Domestic Violence Quote

2011-01-04T16:49:00.000-08:00

First Woman President Sworn Into Office in Brazil

2011-01-03T19:25:00.000-08:00

From torture in a dictatorship-era jail cell to the helm of Latin America's largest nation, Dilma Roussett was sworn into office and became Brazil's first woman president. She took her oat of office alongside Vice-President Michel Temer...becoming the country's 36th president, a nearly unthinkable feat a year ago. In a country where women have typically played a limited role in politics, the election of a woman to Brazil's highest office signals a major break from the past.

Following her historic win, Rousseff spoke passionately about her goals to eliminate poverty, improve education and public healthcare, reduce homelessness, and promote gender equality, "I hope the fathers and mothers of little girls will look at them and say yes, women can." "Equal opportunity between men and women is an essential principle of democracy."

Rousseff of the Worker's Party defeated Jose Serra of the Social Democratic Party by a wide margin. Although she has never held elective office before, Rousseff, an economist, was strongly backed by former president, da Silva. She formerly served as da Silva's Chief of Staff and a member of his cabinet as Energy Minister.

In 1967, Rousseff, then a 19 year old economics student, joint a militant group opposing the dictatorship of the country, and for the next three years, she helped lead guerrilla organizations while writing for an underground newspaper. During the 1970s, Rousseff was captured and jailed by Brazil's military police and was labeled the "Joan of Arc" of the gorilla movement. She was tossed into the notorious Tiradentes prison and brutually tortured for her membership in the left-wing guerrilla group.

I congratulate Ms. Rousseff on her ascendancy to the Brazilian presidency. She has the task and the responsibility to build on the great legacy of her predecessor, and having worked closely with him, I am sure she will continue to lead her country towards even greater prosperity for all Brazilians.

Domestic Sex Trafficking Bill Passed in the House...Then Shot Down

2010-12-29T19:23:00.000-08:00

The Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking Deterrence and Victims Support Act, sponsored by Representative Carolyn Maloney (D-NY), passed the House on Tuesday night. The bill would have established shelters in six regions of the country and provide treatment and services to victims and new resources to law enforcement to prosecute sex traffickers.

Mary Ellison, Director of Public Policy at Polaris Project, clarified, "This passage is a sign that America is starting to realize that children in prostitution are victims of a horrific crime called human trafficking and are in need of services and support."

Unfortunately, an amendment that was attached to the bill killed it because it differed from the Senate bill and time ran out for the lame duck session. Politics and politicians. So far removed from the real world. This was a bill to help save children who had forced into human trafficking. These are the very people we voted in, and now they turn their backs on children in need. What is wrong with this picture? How can they sleep at night?

According to the FBI, more than 100,000 underage girls are exploited for commercial sex in the United States each year. But despite this incredibly high number of victims, there are only a handful of shelter beds. Right now, there aren't enough aftercare facilities to serve even 1 per cent of estimated victims. This bill would have not only helped to prevent pimps from victimizing young girls and but would have provided a safe place for victims to heal.

To our politicians....Shame on you!!!!

2010-12-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

Although Christmas is perceived as a time of peace and happiness for families, stress, debt and alcohol levels can create a far from happy holiday season. In fact, even if things are going well, tensions run high during the holiday season. And when Christmas rolls around, domestic violence seems to escalate, and not only do the victims suffer, but also the children who must bear witness to the abuse, and through the eyes of children, the boundaries between abuser and victim are not always clear. Often as a means of coping, they take sides or they try to defuse the violence, and when they fail, they blame themselves for not being able to do so. Some children pretend that it isn't happening.

In many families, there will be no gifts because the abuser will not allow them. Abusers are self-centered, and if there is no gain for them, then they generally classify such expenditure as frivolous. Hence, there is very little joy in Christmas for the children of these dysfunctional relationships.

Examples of financial abuse include: withholding money for Christmas presents and food; where the relationship has ended the abusive partner may withhold child maintenance; and forcing the woman to take debt in her name to meet the family financial needs. My goodness, that not only happened to me, but 20 years later, when a lien was placed on my bank account and my paycheck garnished....not for a bill I was responsible for, but because I had been bullied to co-sign for a credit card. It took me over a year of struggling to pay off something that was never mine to begin with.

Domestic Violence victims are not a small minority. At least 25 percent of all women will experience some sort of domestic violence in their life. This means that most of us, if we are not a victim ourselves, know someone--sister, friend--cousin--who is a victim. It affects each and every one of us.

Here are some suggestions on coping with domestic violence:<

Keep yourself safe. Find a safe place - like a bedroom - where you can hide until the violence is over.

Only step in to help the person who is being hurt if it means you WILL NoT place yourself at risk

Talk to someone you trust about what's happening at home. If you want independent help, contact a service like the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800)SAFE

Try to get the person who is being hurt to seek help from the hospital, battered women's shelters, etc.

If the situation gets really bad, get out of the house and find help. Go and tell a neighbor or call the emergency services.

What is the Cycle of Abuse

2010-11-28T18:02:00.000-08:00

The cycle of abuse is cyclical; it has been proven time and time again. When something is characterized as being cyclical, it means that it occurs in a repeating pattern. Abuse is identifiable as being cyclical in two ways; it is both generational and episodic. Generational cycles of abuse are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. Episodic abuse occurs in a repeating pattern within the context of at least two individuals within a family system. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse, or even elder abuse.

A son, who is repeatedly either verbally or physically abused by his father, will predictably treat his own children in the same way. When a daughter hears her mother frequently tear down, belittle, and criticize her father, she will adapt a learned behavior which involves control through verbal abuse. Similarly, a child who witnesses his parents engaging in abusive behaviors toward one another, will very likely subject his or her spouse to the same abusive patterns. These are examples of generational abuse:

The episodic cycle of abuse is characterized by distinct periods of behavior that eventually result in an extreme episode of verbal and/or physical abuse. Typically, victims of abuse live in denial of this reoccurring pattern.

The cycle of episodic abuse begins with a major abusive behavior such as loud verbal abuse, screaming and/or verbal harassment and even a threat of physical assault.

A period of remorse follows. The abusive individual will go to great lengths to seek forgiveness and offer assurances that the abusive behavior will never occur again. The abusive spouse may bring flowers or expensive gifts. “Oh honey, you know that I would never hurt you. I am so sorry. You know how much I need you." One of my clients has recently gone back to an ex who abused her terribly. She says that he is treating her so good right now, and she believes she has it all under control. Does she really?

The third portion of the cycle is characterized by a period of "normalcy." During this time frame the abusive spouse may appear to be truly living out his or her repentance. Great effort will be expended to please and lull the victim of abuse into believing that the worst is now over.

Over time, tension will begin to replace the easy atmosphere in the home. Irritability will increase, followed by veiled accusations by the abuser, blaming the other spouse for his or her frustration and unhappiness. Eventually, this escalating behavior will give way to another episode of full-blown verbal and/or physical abuse.

Remember, the cycle of abuse is rarely broken without outside help. Victims need to learn how to set boundaries that protect them and help them to break free of the cycle of victimization. Abusers must confront and take responsibility for the verbal and physical abusive patterns of behavior. I have run groups for both victims and batterers and sadly, most of the batterers do NOT take responsibility for their actions. It is always HER fault. Both victim and abuser need to consider professional counseling as a means to stop the cycle of abuse. Individuals who are living in environments characterized by a cyclical form of abuse should make personal safety a matter of urgent priority. Verbal abuse can quickly escalate into a related, but more deadly form of abuse, physical violence.

Financial Abuse

2010-11-23T12:56:00.000-08:00

Financial abuse is a very real form of abuse. It can take many forms ranging from denying the woman all access to funds or making her solely responsible for all finances while he spends money irresponsibly himself. Money thus becomes the tool by which the abuser is able to further control the victim by ensuring either financial dependence on him, or shifting the responsibility of keeping a roof over the family's head onto the victim while simultaneously denying your ability to do so or obstructing you. In any relationship, financial control is one of the earliest signs of future abusive behavior. The husband has control the purse strings and refuses to share financial information with his wife, doles out an allowance to her, and expects that she account for every cent that she spends.

These behaviors are designed to isolate the woman by forcing her into a state of complete financial dependence. The most important thing to remember is that is that the abuser is not out of control. In fact, he is so in control that he can change his behavior to suit the social circumstances. Although he may appear charming and persuasive, his objective is actually to isolate his partner and make her dependence on him total. He is making a decision to control his partner's life by eliminating her ability to make choices, have access to money and be able to get around.

Financial abuse can and does often lead to physical abuse as well, and it knows no boundaries and can within all age ranges, educational levels, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels...from the rich socialite who lives in the penthouse apartment to the poorest wife in the toughest section of town. Some of the signs of financial abuse are as follows:

Controlling all of the family's finances.
Withholding money or credit cards.
Giving an allowance.
Making you accountable for every penny you spend.
Stealing from you or taking your money.
Withholding basic necessities such food, clothes, medications, shelter.
Preventing you from working.
Sabotaging your job by making you miss work or call in constantly.

Sexual Assault

2010-11-17T11:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had a speaker from Safe Haven come to my women's group. Safe Haven is a a victim's assistance program for victims of sexual abuse and domestic violence. Safe Haven is located in many states throughout the country. Yesterday she spoke of sexual assault, and I thought it is something important enough to share it with you.

Sexual assault in the United States can be all too often a taboo subject that rarely gets brought up in conversation or in other formats. Sadly, many victims feel don't want to talk about it because they feel too ashamed and embarrassed. And, when we hear the news surrounding high profile cases in which celebrities or sports start are accused of sexual assault, the women who bring charges against these celebrities often find themselves brutalized by the media and society at large. Rape is one of the few crimes in which the victim is attacked instead of sympathized with. These cases are often so severe that the women drop all charges in order to regain their normal life, land when victims of rape are attacked by the media, the cycle of guilt and shame regarding assault is intensified and more and more women fail to report incidences.

What is Sexual Assault?

Sexual Assault and abuse is any sexual activity that one party does not agree to. This can include:

Inappropriate touching
Vaginal, anal or oral penetration
Sexual intercourse when one party says no or is drugged
Rape
Attempted rape
Child molestation

One form of sexual assault the speaker did not discuss was not discussed was exhibitionism, when someone exposes themselves in public. Several years ago--when I was much younger and thinner--I was traveling on the subway to visit a friend. There was a man seated by the door, the side of the seat hid all but the upper part of the body. I was reading my book, but you can sense when someone is watching you. I thought nothing of it...until I got up to exit the train and saw exactly what he was doing. It sickened me, and even though there was no contact, I found the entire episode extremely degrading.

The following have been deemed unable to give consent:

Anyone under the age of 17
Those who are mentally disabled
Those who are mentally incapacitated i.e under the influence of drugs and alcohol
Those who are physically helpless

The above is New York State Law, but I am sure it pertains to just about every other state as well.

Marital Rape

2010-11-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

Sex should not be by force. It must not be under duress never give room for 'marital rape.' You can encourage each other, you can influence and seduce, but never have sex by force.

Married? Rape happens within marriages also. For many years women were expected to put up with it simply because it was not against the law. Our archaic laws actually stated that it was not illegal for a male to rape his wife. In many countries, this law still stands. But rape is rape, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. It can be a total stranger; someone you recognize by sight, but have never really communicated with; a neighbor or a colleague; a friend, a boy-friend or a former boyfriend; a live-in partner, or a former partner; and, yes, someone you are married to or have been married to in the past. Ask yourself the following:

Has your partner ever made you have sex when you didn’t want to?

Have you ever been uncomfortable with a sexual request from your partner, but did it anyway?

Have you ever had sex with your partner because you were afraid Have you ever given into sex because your partner would not stop harassing you about it?

Marital rape is so destructive because it betrays the fundamental basis of the marital relationship, because it questions every understanding you have not only of your partner and the marriage, but of yourself. You end up feeling betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused. Of all sexual assaults, marital rape is the most under reported. Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such. The traditional idea that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say 'no', is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands. A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband, and while she may realize that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from perceiving it in such a light.

The loss of control over her life becomes an issue. If forced sex becomes an ongoing pattern the feeling of powerlessness becomes intense and being able to feel safe in the confines of the home is totally shattered.

In marital rape, the short-term effects can include the following:

Feelings of betrayal
Guilt
Anger
Fear
Humiliation
Denial

Longer-term effects can include:

Inability to trust
Flashbacks
Fear of intimacy
Nightmares
Acute fear of being assaulted again
Sexual dysfunction

Healing begins with having a safe place or person to talk with about the sexual assault. Since victims may not recognize the assault as "rape" and may be confused by their feelings, it is important to open a line of communication.

Three Women Lawyers Arrested in Iran

2010-11-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

Iranian authorities have arrested three female human rights lawyers on for so-called security related offenses. Maryam Kianersi, Maryam Karbasi, and Sara Sabaghian were taken into custody after they arrived on a flight from Turkey. Sara Sabaghian reportedly represented Hossein Ronaghi in court after his arrest for blog posts which criticized the Iranian government. Ronaghi is currently appealing a 15-year jail sentence for his alleged crime. All three women had previously signed an open letter advocating for the release of Nasrin Sotoudeh, a well-known human rights lawyer imprisoned in Evin Prison. Kianersi was on the defense team of Kobra Najjar, a woman sentenced to death by stoning who was acquitted and freed about two years ago.

Sotoudeh is scheduled to go on trial on November 15 and faces charges of acting against state security, assembling, and collusion with intent to disrupt national security, and working with the Center for Human Rights Defenders, which was founded by Nobel Laureate Shirin Ebadi. Nasrin Sotoudeh who has been in the notorious Evin Prison since September 4, went on a hunger strike for 27 days to protest the conditions of her illegal arrest. After ending her hunger strike for a few days, she started a dry hunger strike since her case was mishandled and she continued to be deprived of her legal rights such as the right to telephone calls and visits from her family members and her two young children. As of November 12, Sotoudeh began drinking water on advice of her friends and lawyers, but remains on a hunger strike.

Iranian Woman Ends Dry Hunger Strike But Continues Hunger Strike

2010-11-12T17:32:00.000-08:00

The husband, sister and brother of the imprisoned Iranian lawyer, Nasrin Sotoudeh, visited her yesterday at Evin Prison in Tehran for ten minutes. The husband, who had not seen his wife for over two and a half months, said that on the advice of friends and lawyers, she ended her dry hunger strike, but that she will continue her hunger strike and only drink water until she gets what she wants.

Sotoudeh is scheduled to go on trial November 15 and is facing charges of acting against state security, assembling, and collusion with intent to disrupt national security, and for working with the Center for Human Rights Defenders, which was founded by Nobel Laureate Shirin Ebadi.

Sotoudeh, who has been in Evin Prison since September 4, went on a hunger strike for 27 days to protest the conditions of her illegal arrest. After ending her hunger strike for a few days, she started a dry hunger strike since her case was mishandled, and she continued to be deprived of her legal rights such as the right to telephone calls and visits from her family members and her two young children.

Women's Rights Gravely Threatened in Iran

2010-11-11T15:08:00.000-08:00

Two Iranian women, Sakineh Ashtiani, currently facing an execution sentence, and Nasrin Sotoudeh, a human rights lawyer and colleague of Nobel Laureate Shirin Ebadi, are in danger in Iran. Ahtiani,who was originally sentenced to death by stoning after an adultery conviction faces a possible execution by hanging, while prominent human rights lawyer, Sotoudeh, has been on a dry hunger strike (no food or water) for more than a week while protesting her imprisonment.

Ashtiani was scheduled to be executed by hanging last Wednesday, but due to massive international protest started by her son and daughter, her execution was suspended, and according to Iranian officials, her file is "under review,"... but the regime has been known to execute people whose files were under review in the past. In 2006, she was convicted of having extramarital relations with two men who killed her husband. No names have ever been documented for the two men. While she initially received a sentence of 99 lashes for adultery, during an appeal of her case, the court sentenced her to death by stoning. After worldwide outrage, this sentence was commuted to death by hanging. Her sentence still stands, and she is still living with the knowledge that she could be executed at any time.

Sotoudeh, the mother of two children, has defended many political activists and campaigners in Iran's presidential elections last year, has been held in Tehran's Evin Prison since September 4, when she was arrested and charged with "acting against state security" and "propaganda against the Islamic Republic." She is currently in solitary confinement; Sotoudeh has been refusing food and water to protest the intolerable conditions of prison and the improper investigation of her case; she is in grave physical shape as a result. Activists are concerned she will soon fall into a coma or die.

Prominent political figures, including Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner, have issued statements expressing concern and dismay over the treatment of the women.

Please Contact your State Department or Foreign Ministry with the following message.

Sample letter:

Dear [the correct name]

I demand that this government exert the utmost diplomatic pressure on the Islamic Republic of Iran to:

1) to immediately release Nasrin Sotoudeh and drop ALL charges against her.

2) stop the persecution of all Iranian human rights lawyers and adhere to the international human rights laws in which the Iran government is a state party.

3) allow Nasrin Sotoudeh to continue her work as a human rights attorney uninterrupted and allow her to visit her clients and give her access to her clients files and paperwork as guaranteed by judicial law.

Sincerely

[your name]

Rape

2010-11-09T06:49:00.000-08:00

Rape is not an act of sex and will never be an act of sex. Rape is purely an act of violence and control. Plain and simple...violence and control are the key goals of most rapists. They want to control their victim, and most times,the rapist gains that control through violence or threats or both at one time. Once you begin finally realizing that rape has nothing to do with sex, then you finally might really be coming to terms about what rape really is. Anyone can be a victim of rape. You can be white, black, Spanish, Irish, male, female,, g old, young, paralyzed, drunk, sober,fat, skinny, beautiful, ugly...you get the picture. There is no set pattern of physical appearance, clothing, nationality, or age or religion or nationality that is excluded from the crime of rape.

No rape victim asks to be raped nor wants to be raped. When society does not understand the crime of rape, then society ignorantly states that the victim asked for it. No victim asked to be attacked. If someone is stabbed or shot, society does not say the victim asked for it. If someone is run down by a hit and run driver, society does not say that the victim asked for it. Yet, when a woman is raped, according to society, she must have asked for it. Why is it that our focus is on those raped and not on those who rape? Rape victims are not only subject to generally more scrutiny than other crime victims, but they are often thrust into the spotlight and into the position of having to prove their cases   more than victims of robbery, shootings, murders, scams, exploitation, or harassment. This is why many rape cases are never reported.

I want to share something you with that I've never shared to anyone, not a sole, other than a therapist. Even hubby doesn't know. It's something I never talk about, but something today I feel I HAVE to talk about. I was raped 45 years ago. I was 18 years old. The police told me it was MY fault, and I totally believed them. I'd been out with a group of friends. We'd gone up to this little bar in Port Jervis, New York. At that time, legal drinking age in New Jersey was 21, in New York it was 18, so we'd often cross the border. Well, at some point of the night I lost my friend. Later, I had found out that she went out to the car to 'neck' with her boyfriend. Well, I'd had a bit too much to drink that night and really wanted to go home.    I was getting lightheaded and nauseous.

So, there were young men who I knew, maybe not very well, but I knew them. They were acquaintances.   They, too, were from New Jersey, and when they offered me a ride home, I gladly accepted.   After all, they were acquaintances, weren't they? It was supposed to be safe....only hadn't taken into account that they, too, had been drinking...and alcohol lowers the inhibitions. People do things they normally wouldn't do.

All I can remember about that night is being pulled from the car and tossed onto the ground. I already suffered from a back injury, so when I hit the ground it was like a knife shooting through me. I must have blacked out or disassociated myself because the next thing I remember was being tossed from the car. It was dawn; the sun was coming up. My clothes were ripped and dirty; my hair matted. Black lines from mascara ran down my face from sobbing. I was in severe pain. I hobbled over to the nearest house and rang the bell.

They brought me into the home and showed me to the bathroom, giving me a towel and washcloth to clean myself up. Meanwhile, they called the police. From there, I was brought to the police station where I was questioned, and when I told my story, I was told I didn't have a case. I SHOULDN'T have been at the bar; I SHOULDN'T have been drinking. When women do these things, they are ASKING FOR IT. And after all that, I was asked if I wanted to press charges. What would you have said? Don't forget, we were in a different era. It was common belief at the time that if a woman went to a bar alone, she was after one thing. The fact is, I would have been put on the stand and been torn apart, and NOTHING, absolutely nothing would have happened to the rapists.

Times have changed somewhat since that time, but women still have to prove themselves. It is time that we all wake up about rape, the stats, the facts, and know that a woman who goes out for a drink and gets raped did not ask for it, a woman who wears tight jeans or short clothes did not ask for it, a woman out late at night did not ask for it. There has to be a time for compassion and now is that time.

Quotes by Women

2010-11-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

"The                                         day will come when men will recognize woman                                         as his peer, not only at the fireside, but                                         in councils of the nation. Then, and not                                         until then, will there be the perfect comradeship,                                         the ideal union between the sexes that shall                                         result in the highest development of the                                         race." 
—Susan                                         B. Anthony

"We ask justice, we ask equality, we ask that all the civil and political rights that belong to citizens of the United States, be guaranteed to us and our daughters forever."
—Susan B. Anthony, Declaration of Rights for Women, July 1876

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." —Margaret Mead

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
— Constance Baker Motley
(First Black Woman in the U.S. to become a Federal Judge)

Early Signs That Your Partner Just May Be Abusive

2010-11-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

The truth is, all relationships all start beautifully ; we meet, he sweeps us off our feet and fall in love, and get married. He is the One. Then the honeymoon stages ends, and suddenly He has changed...for the worse. We think this can never happen to us, that these relationships happen only in women who lack an education, but truth be told, even highly educated and well-accomplished women undergo abuse as well.

Indeed, recent studies have shown that most men who abuse women were often abused themselves in their younger years, and since it is strongly believed that childhood experiences may have played a role in turning these men into abusers, it is quite possible that they have been raised to believe that in order to make women follow their whims, they should be subjected to physical pain. Furthermore, in some cases, the abuse is also a reaction or a form of rebellion against females...especially when the male had a negative experience with his mother. Unconsciously, he rebels against his mother through his partner especially when he sees some similarities between the mother and his spouse's attitudes.

Although many of these men may initially be charmers, the following are just a few early indications that your partner just may be an abuser?

He tells you sob stories about how a previous relationship ended and how his girlfriend broke his trust. Watch out if he has had several failed relationships.
He is overly jealous and possessive of you. Even the time you spend with your family and friends becomes a threat to him.
He treats you as if you you are incapable of making your own decisions. He needs to control you and your actions so that you become dependent on him.
He has unrealistic expectations of you, and when he thinks you have "failed", he becomes very increasingly disillusioned about you for not meeting his expectations.
He believes that there is nothing wrong with the way he is treating you.

Remember. Men who are abusive by nature rarely change how they view things. You might try to slowly introduce him to the concept of him undergoing therapy, but get ready for the tirades that will be coming from him. An when you realize that he is not going to change--EVER--take charge of your life and move on.

Brazil Elects First Woman to its Presidency

2010-11-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, October 31st, Dilma Rousseff of the Worker's Party defeated Jose Serra of the Social Democratic Party by a wide margin and became Brazil's FIRST woman president. Although she has never held elective office before, Rousseff, an economist, was strongly backed by Brazil's highly popular current President, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva. She formerly served as da Silva's Chief of Staff and a member of his cabinet as Energy Minister.

Following her historic win, Rousseff spoke passionately about her goals to eliminate poverty and promote gender equality, telling CNN "I hope the fathers and mothers of little girls will look at them and say yes, women can." She also outlined her plans to improve education and public healthcare.

During the 1970s, Rousseff was jailed and tortured for her membership in the left-wing guerrilla group called National Liberation Command, which opposed the military dictatorship ruling Brazil. She was allegedly tortured for 22 days by punching, being hit with sticks and pieces of wood, and electric shock devices. Later, Dilma denounced the torture she suffered in court proceedings, citing even the names of those who tortured her. Dilma left jail at the end of 1972.

Study Shows Women Still Excluded from Peacemaking Processes

2010-10-27T19:41:00.000-07:00

According to a recent report, women still have not been fully included in the peacemaking and peace-building processes in many countries. The study was released the day before the tenth anniversary of the enactment of United Nations Resolution 1325, which calls on nations to ensure women's "full involvement" in peacemaking and national security decision-makin. a

The report based on research by the MIT Center for International Studies and the International Civil Society Action Network, focuses on six nations and regions affected by conflict... including the Indonesian province Aceh, as well as Colombia, Israel, Liberia, Sri Lanka, and Uganda. The Associated Press reports that although legislation was passed in some of the countries to increase women's participation, it was either never implemented or was basically ineffective. The report identifies three main problems in the implementation of Resolution 1325:

the UN's failure to create an education campaign about its goals;
the failure of governments and international conflict resolution bodies to actually integrate women;
and aid donors' failure to support female participation in peace processes.

Nevertheless, the study does indicate that in some countries women have begun to break into the peacemaking process, but there is still a long way to go. For instance, in Sri Lanka and Uganda, women participated in peace negotiations even though the negotiations eventually failed. The report also asserts that the peace in Liberia, although quite unstable at the present time , is "largely thanks to the mass action of its women literally sitting outside the negotiations, and not giving up on peace," as quoted by the Associated Press. In addition, women's groups have led peace movements in Colombia and have been at the forefront of peace advocacy in the Middle East, although they have been excluded from all peacemaking efforts in that region.

UN Resolution 1325 was passed unanimously on October 31, 2000. In addition to its call for women's participation, the resolution asserts that women and children are most adversely affected by armed conflict and calls for special measures to protect women and girls from gender-based violence and other forms of violence in situations of armed conflict. The Associated Press reports that UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon stated, "Resolution 1325 will never be implemented successfully until we end sexual violence in conflict," while US Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton called women's participation in peacemaking "a necessary global security imperative."

Court Rules Spousal Abuse Permitted in UAE

2010-10-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

Unbelievable!!! Never ceases to amaze me when I hear things like this. It seems that one of the top courts in the United Arab Emirates ruled on the 19th that under Islamic law, a man has the right to beat his wife and children as long as no marks are left, and he has tried other forms of discipline, such as verbal reprimands or abstaining from sexual intercourse. Discipline? Hey, this is the 21st century or didn't anyone bother to clue them in?

According to CNN, the ruling was a result of a case in which a man had slapped his wife and 23 year old daughter, resulting in marks and bruises on their bodies. Though the court maintained the man's right under Shari'a law to beat his wife and children, it ruled that in this case the man exceeded his authority by beating his wife too severely. Now, had he not left a bruise, it would have been okay. That doesn't sit too well with me.

After news of the ruling, the Human Rights Watch called upon the government to repeal all discriminatory laws, including those that sanction domestic violence. Several experts said it is against Islamic law to permit wife-beating; however, Shari'a Law is complex and lends itself to multiple and competing interpretations.

The word sharia means "the path to a watering hole". It denotes an Islamic way of life that is more than a system of criminal justice. Sharia is a religious code for living, in the same way that the Bible offers a moral system for Christians. It is adopted by most Muslims to a greater or lesser degree as a matter of personal conscience, but it can also be formally instituted as law by certain states and enforced by the courts.

Telling Amy's Story

2010-10-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

Congolese Women March Against Mass Rape

2010-10-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

Thousands of women in the Democratic Republic of Congo marched against mass rapes on Sunday , which have become increasingly prevalent in the country as a weapon of war. According to CNN, many of the marchers were rape survivors. The march took place in Bukavu, located in eastern Congo and followed a peace and development forum.

World March of Women, together with several local women's groups, organized the march which aimed to use the event to fight the societal stigma often faced by rape victims and draw global attention to the use of rape as a tactic of war.  Many women left hospital beds to join in the march.  

The Democratic Republic of Congo has been named the "rape capital of the world" by the United Nations. According to CNN, there were 15,000 women raped by armed rebel groups in eastern Congo in 2009. Between July 30 and August 2 of this year alone, more than 300 people, mostly women, were raped in the country's North Kivu province. The United Nations has condemned the lack of civilian protection provided by Congolese police, military, and UN stabilization forces in the area. Since the war in the Democratic Republic of Congo began in 1998, tens of thousands of civilians have been raped.

Why Do Some Women Continue to Get Involved With Abusive Men?

2010-10-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

You don't have to say a word. She already knows he is bad news, but she loves him and honestly believes that he loves her. Doesn't he bring her flowers and tells her he loves her, that it will never happen again?  And she believes him because she wants to believe. She wants to be loved, and she has a need TO love.  Women as nurturers often find themselves saving relationships.  He is just misunderstood, she says, no one ever loved him right, so he just doesn't know how.  The list of excuses is endless,and the danger we see them in is very real.

What makes it even worse is that we see them repeating the pattern...over and  over again...going from one abuser to the next, and each one worse then  the last.  They really believe that if they love him enough, they change him. More than likely you know someone, or suspect that someone, or even you yourself may be that someone who lives in an abusive home.  Why do women choose men abusive men?  There are many reasons.  

Some women with extremely low self-esteem believe that THEY are at fault, that they are the ones to blame for abuse. Many have been brainwashed for so long that when he validates their own feelings of lack, they cling to him, needing that reminder of their lack of worth.  They make every  excuse under the sun for their partner and twist the truth around until it does  appear that she is at fault, and when this continues to happen, over and over again, she eventually starts to believe it herself. 

Women who grew up in abusive homes  are also susceptible. They women reach adulthood believing that this type behavior is normal and acceptable. They've grown up watching their mother get hit and shoved around by their father...and saw that that  they always made up, so she is more inclined to put up with the same kind  of abuse. It is simply a matter of not knowing that is abnormal and  should not be tolerated. In some of the saddest cases, there are women who deliberately seek out domineering men for there is something about being treated badly that satisfies some need within themselves. Perhaps they feel as if they deserve to be abused.  Some women feel they may never be able to find someone better so they settle.

We can only hope and pray the day will come when they finally realize who they are and recognize their true value. Sometimes we reach out to help, and it backfires on us. I had a neighbor, a friend, and one day She was screaming and I found her husband with his hands around her throat. I called the police as she asked. She never spoke to me again after that day. So, what do we do? In the meantime, we must continue to remind them they are never alone. They are worthy of love, honor, and respect. Let them know that we may not love their choices, but we will always love them. Speak to them in a way that they know that regardless of what they may be feeling, they are loved, and that love should never hurt.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

2010-10-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Two Indigenous Mexican Rape Victims Awarded Damages

2010-10-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

Last week, the Inter-American Court of Human Rights issued separate  rulings that the Mexican government must pay damages to two indigenous  women who were raped by military soldiers in 2002. The court stated that  Mexico failed to uphold "the rights to personal integrity, dignity and  legal protection of Ines Fernandez and Valentina Rosendo," according to  the Latin American News Dispatch.

Rosendo was 17 years old when she was raped. At the time  of the incident,she was approached by eight soldiers who asked her  if she had seen a masked suspect. Rosendo, unable to answer their question, was then beaten and raped by the soldiers.  A month later, eleven  soldiers approached Fernandez at her house, and faced with a language  barrier, Fernandez was unable to answer their questions and was  subsequently raped

The women, both from the southern Mexican state of Guerrero, will each  be compensated with judgments upwards of $100,000. Rosendo told the  Associated Press,  "If the government has a little bit of dignity, it should accept they  were mistaken so I can go on with my life...They didn't want to hear me  in my own country." Additionally, the court ordered Mexico to take  public action to acknowledge its international responsibility to victims  of sexual violence and modernize their legislation so that violations  of human rights will not fall under military jurisdiction in  investigations.

Mary Harris

2010-10-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

"Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living! "- Mother Jones

Mary Harris was born on May 1, 1830 in a small town near County Cork, Ireland. She was the daughter of a Roman Catholic tenant farmer who got himself into trouble for his political activities and in 1838, made the decision to move the family to Toronto, Canada.

Mary graduated high school and became a school teacher and a dress maker in Michigan before settling down in Memphis, Tennessee. In 1861 she married George Jones, an iron molder and union organizer. . Like her father, Jones held left-wing political views and was an active member of the Iron Molders' Union. The couple had four children.

Then, in 1867 an epidemic of yellow fever swept through Memphis, killing Mary's husband and her four children. She returned to Chicago where she worked as a dressmaker until her shop was destroy in the Chicago Fire of 1871. Destitute and alone, Mary identified strongly with the working people who had no protection against low wages, long hours, and dangerous working conditions. She now began to see the members of the labor movement as her family and committed herself to the labor struggle for humane wages and working conditions.

She reconstructed herself as “Mother Jones", a radical organizer. Specializing in helping miners in their fight for decent wages and and end to child labor, her work involved making speeches, recruiting members, and organizing soup kitchens. Standing only five-feet tall with snow-white hair, all black dress and confrontational style, she was indeed a fierce maternal presence, and from the late 1870s through the early 1920s, she participated in hundreds of strikes across the country. Living by the philosophy, “wherever there is a fight,” she supported workers in the railroad, steel, copper, brewing, textile, and mining industries, and after the formation of the United Mine Workers Union in 1890, she became one of its officials. By now, she was in her sixties.

In 1905 she helped organize the Industrial Workers of the World and traveled across the country helping workers form themselves into unions. In 1912-1913, she played a leading role in the violent mine strike in Paint Creek, West Virginia, and when a company guard was murdered, Jones was arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit murder. Now aged seventy-eight and suffering from pneumonia, Jones was found guilty sentenced to twenty years in prison. A senatorial investigation discovered she was innocent of the charges and the sentence was overturned.

In 1925 Jones published her autobiography, defiantly writing: "In spite of oppressors, in spite of false leaders the cause of the workers continues onward. Slowly his hours are shortened, slowly his standards of living rise to include some of the good and beautiful things in life. Slowly, those who create the wealth of the world are permitted to share it. The future is in labor's strong, rough hands."

Soon after celebrating her 100th birthday, Mary Harris Jones died on November 30, 1930. After being celebrated in a mass attended by over 20,000 people, she was buried in the United Mine Union Cemetery in Mount Olive, Illinois.

According to a West Virginia District Attorney named Reese Blizzard, Mother Jones was "the most dangerous woman in America", and according to Clarence Darrow, she was "one of the most forceful and picturesque figures of the American labor movement". Sixty-five years after her death, her name is still part of current culture, as the title of a magazine.

Leader of Mass Rapists Arrested in Congo

2010-10-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

Self-proclaimed Lieutenant Colonel Mayele was arrested by the United Nations mission in the Democratic Republic of the Congo  for his leadership of an armed group that allegedly raped up to 500 people in late July. Mayele was taken into custody yesterday in a military operation carried out by the Congolese military and the UN Mission for the Stabilization of the DR Congo.

The arrest was welcomed by UN Special Representative Margot Wallstrom, the top UN official dealing with sexual violence and armed conflict,reports the United Nations Radio. Wallstrom arrived in the DRC last Tuesday to investigate the mass rape of civilians that occurred in late July and early August of this year. While in the DRC, Ms. Wallstrom has met with UN agencies and Congolese officials to develop a a strategy to reduce sexual violence.

Al Jazeera reports that the use of rape by groups of fighters in eastern Congo to intimidate and control the population has been increasing...especially in the mining areas. Wallstrom told Al Jazeera that Mayele's arrest "should send out a signal that sexual violence will not go unpunished."   

The Law's of Manu

2010-10-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

Compiled over the years between 200-400 C.E., the Laws of Manu are thought India's most famous and earliest legal code. The text
itself deals with four subjects:

the origin of the world, the sources of dharma,
the rules of the four varnas (social orders)
four asramas (spiritual orders)
karma-yoga.

Mythology claims that Manu was the first man who ruled justly and wisely over his subjects. However, some of these laws pertaining to Indian women have been pointed out as paternalistic and chauvinistic arrogance, but a good number of them also reflect the freedom and respect that women in ancient society enjoyed. The laws found therein are obviously not modern. Thus to be fair, they should not be compared to modern laws, but rather to socio-religious rules that pertain to an ancient culture.

Here then is a selection of some of his more famous laws that touch the lives of women:

*"A girl, a young woman, or even an old woman should not do anything independently, even in her own house. -In childhood a woman should be under her father’s control, in youth under her husband’s and when her husband is dead, under her sons."

*“A husband should be worshiped as a God.”

*“If the female members live in grief, the family is destroyed. If the female members are happy, the family flourishes in all directions.”

*“Women shall receive one-quarter share of the inheritance of their parents. If a man has no sons, his daughter may inherit everything he had.”

*“Brothers should give one-forth of their inheritance to their sisters for their sisters’ dowries.”

*“A father sins unless he marries his daughter off when she reaches puberty.”

*“A man can leave a barren woman after eight years and one who only gives birth to daughters.”

*“Women do not care for beauty, nor is their attention fixed on age; they give themselves to the handsome as well as to the ugly just for the fact that he is a man.”

*“A woman should not go to a meeting place; and they should not dance like the young, but sit at their proper places.”

*“A wife, a son, and a slave, these three are declared to have no property. The wealth which they earn is acquired for him to whom they belong.”

*“Women must particularly be guarded against evil inclinations, however trifling they may appear to be; for, if they are not guarded, they will bring sorrow on both the families. Considering it the highest duty of all castes, even wealthy husbands must strive to guard their wives....lest the seed of others be sown on your soil.”

*“It is the nature of women to seduce men in this world, for that reason the wise never remain unguarded in the company of female.”

*“A virtuous wife who after the death of her husband constantly remains chaste, reaches heaven, though she have no son, just like those chaste men.”

*“If a woman should happen to merely to overhear recitations of Vedic mantras by chance, hot molten glass should be poured into her ears.”

UN Official to Investigate Mass Rape in the Congo

2010-10-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

The United Nations Special Representative on Sexual Violence in Conflict, Margot Wallstroem, arrived in the Democratic Republic of the Congo on Tuesday; she flew there to investigate the mass rape of civilians that occurred there in June and July of this year. The main objective will be to coordinate an appropriate response to the mass rape by rebels of more than 300 people, mostly women, in the country's North Kivu province when rebels allegedly entered the town of Ruvungi on July 30 and pillaged the town, systematically raping its occupants for several days and blocking the road that connects the town to the UN peace keeping troops.

The United Nations first condemned the use of mass rape as a weapon of war on August. At that time, Wallstroem told reporters that using rape as a tool of war is no more acceptable nor inevitable than committing mass murder. While in the Congo, Ms. Wallstroem intends to meet with UN agencies and Congolese officials to speed up the enactment of an effective strategy against sexual violence.

I am Woman

2010-09-29T07:29:00.000-07:00

This Should Get Your Dander Up

2010-09-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

“Instructing a woman is like holding a sack of sand whose sides have split open.”

- Ankhsheshong, scribe. Late Period Ancient Egypt

“Neither wives of lords, nor widows, nor Assyrian women who go out on the street, may have their heads uncovered.....when they go out on the street alone, they must veil themselves.”

- Middle Assyrian Law, 1383-1000 B.C.E.

“A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave...The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities - a natural defectiveness.”

- Aristotle

“A woman...cultivates the skills required in the women’s quarters and has no ambition to manage affairs outside the house...She must follow the ‘three submissions.’ When she is young, she must submit to her parents. After her marriage, she must submit to her husband. When she is widowed, she must submit to her son.”

- “The Mother of Mencius,” Waring States, 475-221 B.C.E, China

“Women, even though they are of full age, because of their levity of mind shall be under guardianship.”

- The Twelve Tables, Rome, 450 B.C.E.

“You must be like the heart in the body. You must not leave the home...You must be like embers in the hearth.”

- Advice given Aztec girls at ceremonies honoring their birth.

“Women are as different from men as earth from the heaven. She depends on the light of her husband to shine.” and “Woman’s virginity and chastity are more important than her life.”

- Neo-Confucian Sayings, China.

“If you have a son, you can say you have a descendant. But you cannot say thus, even if you have ten daughters.”

- Vietnamese proverb

“Even though you sleep intimately on the same bed and under the same cover with him, you must treat your husband as if he were your king.”

- Upper Class Confucian marriage manual, Vietnam

“There are only two places for a woman, the house and the grave”

- Pakistani proverb

“Women have long hair and a short mind.”

- Swedish proverb

“The best way to keep a woman is barefoot in the winter and pregnant in the summer”

- American proverb

Mary Kenney O'Sullivan

2010-09-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Mary Kenney O'Sullivan was an American social activist and labor leader. She was famous for her work in Boston where she organized women into various unions to fight against the exploitation of women and children in factory labor.She was born Mary Kenney in Hannibal, Missouri, on January 8, 1864, the only child of an Irish immigrant couple.

After a brief formal education, at the age of 14 she began working as a bookbinder to help support her invalid mother, and by the age of 19, she had mastered all there was to know about the trade and was even promoted to forewoman, but even though she was working in the same position of her male counterparts, she could never earn as much as a man. She was also frustrated by working in the same position as her male counterparts, she could however never earn as much as a man. She was also frustrated by the harsh working conditions that the women were exposed to. That early experience of injustice and gender inequality played an important role in her decision to become a social activist to bring about change.

In 1889, she and her mother moved to Chicago where she worked in several different factories and eventually became a trade union organizer. Eventually she found her way to Hull House where she met Jane Adams. It was agreed that Kenney and fellow trade unionists could hold their meetings at the settlement house.

In 1891, Mary established the Jane Club, a co-operative house where girls with low wages could live together. There were six apartments in the house. Within a year they were all occupied with each person paying $3.00 for rent, food and services. Mary gave weekly lectures at the house, educating the women on the need for social reform.

Mary Kenney became a well-known trade union figure and in 1892 Samuel Gompers, the president of the American Federation of Labor, appointed her as his first woman organizer, and the following year, Then, in the mid-1890's, Mary moved to Boston where she married John O'Sullivan, a journalist working for the Boston Globe. At the time, she was employed by the Women's Educational and Industrial Union and helped to organize garment, rubber makers, shoemakers, and laundry workers.

In 1902, Mary's husband died, and and she was left alone to raise her three children. She continued to work for the American Federation of Labor. In 1903, a year after being left a widow with three children to raise, she joined a New York settlement worker to found the National Women’s Trade Union League. As a leader of the WTUL during its formative years, O’Sullivan brought together affluent women, professionals,and women workers to promote protective legislation, such as the minimum wage, and trade unionism among women. She was a leader in Massachusetts reform circles, focusing her efforts on woman suffrage, housing for the poor, prohibition, pacifism, and — the cause with
which she is most closely identified — legislation to protect women and children in the in the workplace.

In November, 1914, Kenney was appointed as a factory inspector by              the Department of Labor, a post she was to hold for twenty years.              Mary Kenney O'Sullivan died in West Medford on 18th January,              1943. She is buried at St. Joseph Cemetery in West Roxbury, Massachusetts.

Mary Kenney O'Sullivan spent her whole life advocating Women's Suffrage, housing for the poor and underprivileged, and pacifism. Her highest priority was however organizing women into labor unions and the fight against gender inequality on the workplace. Through her effort Illinois and later Massachusetts  passed legislature that enhanced working conditions for women. With her  work she influenced numerous women who later made pass state and  federal laws that advanced position of working women.

Mary Kenney O'Sullivan is one of six Massachusetts women whose bronze bust is housed in the Massachusetts State House.

Historical Day for Afghanistan Women

2010-09-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

Much like the United States in the mid-twentieth century, Afghanistan is now experiencing major changes in the rights that are afforded to women. For example, not only can women in now hold jobs which were previously unavailable to them, but today Afghanistan saw the first class of women officers in decades graduate from a class of new recruits in the Afghanistan National Army (ANA). In total, 28 women graduated from the Nato Training Mission states the ANA Female Officers Candidate School, which opened in April, was a joint effort between NATO and the Afghan Ministry of Defense. In total, 29 women graduated and can now serve in a position of authority as an officer in the Afghan National Army.

This is quite an accomplishment for among the requirements for admission into the program are completion of high school, literacy, and satisfactory achievement on a series of tests...and, currently, approximately seventy percent of the Afghan population can neither read nor write. 
 
This class of women officers will not be sent to the front lines in the current war in Afghanistan, which is raging at its strongest since the start of the insurgency in 2001, but will instead largely be doing administrative work as finance and logistics officers. The women hope to help take a lead role in helping move national security foreign forces to national forces by 2014.

Congratulations to these brave women who are paving the way for those that are to follow them.  Hats off to ya, ladies.   

Trotula

2010-09-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

In the eleventh century, Salerno, Italy was the epicenter of medieval medicine in Europe. Salerno was famous for having one of the world's first universities with a medical school and, while women were generally denied an education during this time, its faculty and student body included both men and women. In fact, during this time, many women were trained as physicians and also taught at the medical schools. It's faculty and student body included both men and women.Trotula was a physician and an instructor at the School of Salerno.

Trotula, sometimes called Trota, was born in the eleventh century, perhaps around 1097 AD; sadly, very little is known of her life. The medical heroes of the day were still Hippocrates and Galen, even though both had died over eight hundred years before. Doctors followed and taught the teachings of these physicians, and virtually never researched on their own.

Trotula was one  of the most famous physicians of the time and her interest was  in managing the diseases and health problems of women. She is considered the world's first  gynecologist. A skilled diagnostician, she  wrote on a wide variety of topics, including conception,  menstruation, pregnancy, cesarean sections and childbirth..  Her work on gynecology was so practical that it was used for hundreds of years. In the fables and stories of Northern Europe she became the fictional character called "Dame Trot."

Tortula  believed that women should not suffer unrelenting pain during  childbirth. During childbirth, she advocated the use of opiates produced by  plants to dull the pain of labor. This contradicted Christian beliefs that a  woman should suffer the pain of childbirth, because of the sin of Eve. Women  were seen as weak, inferior and more susceptible to disease. For this reason,  Trotula believed that women have special medical needs that can only be  investigated and treated by a woman. She also felt that her patients should be physically comfortable, she recommended warm herbal baths, special diets, and plenty of rest to speed the healing process. 

Sadly, the opportunities  allowed to women at Salerno in the 11th century were not to last for  Salerno was sacked by Henry VI in 1194, and, unfortunately, the medical school never fully recovered its prestige. Women were once again denied access to education, and those with practical healing skills and herbal knowledge were persecuted as witches. In fact, Tortola's own books were scattered and lost as hostility towards women as teachers and healers led to her very existence being denied and her works being assigned to male authors!

Hats Off to the Ladies

2010-09-17T05:52:00.000-07:00

  
 Woman must not accept; she must challenge. She must not be awed by that which has been                                    built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles                                    for expression.--Margaret Sanger --

It has recently been reported that, for the first time ever, women have earned the majority of PhD's awarded at  American Universities during the 2008-2009 academic year.In fact, the number  of women at every level of academia has been increasing for decades; however, according to the Washington Post, doctoral level study was the only remaining area of higher education that still had a male majority.

 According to an annual enrollment report from the Council of Graduate Schools, 28,962 of  the doctoral degrees awarded last year went to women and 28,469 to men.  Although women have long outnumbered men in earning master's degrees,  because of the average length required to attain a doctoral degree -  typically seven years the PhD was the last area to show the impact of  any long-term changes in education enrollment trends.

We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies. 
~ Emily Dickinson ~

How to Deal With a Stalker

2010-09-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, many of us will have to deal with a stalker in some way or another at some point in their lives. It may be an ex-spouse or lover...or, it may be the new lover or spouse of your ex. It may be someone you work with or someone you say 'hello' to at the supermarket. It is someone who just wants to be with you and thinks you will you will want to be with them to, if you only give them a chance. At best, it is a very frightening experience; at its worst, it can be dangerous and deadly.

How you deal with your stalker depends on several factors: Who are they?; Why are they are stalking you?; and how dangerous do you think they might be? How they are stalking you is also important. For example, a cyberstalker who follows you online can be fairly easily dealth with by blocking him from most website; Phone numbers can be changed and blocked. For physical stalker, it may call for involving the police

Your first step is to identify who your stalker is. In most cases, it will probably be someone who you know. If it is an ex-lover or spouse, they are either stalking you because they want you back or because they want revenge. Either way, they feel like you have done them wrong and believe their actions are justified. If happens to be their new lover or spouse that's doing the stalking, it is likely that they are jealous of you and are afraid you will come between them. Either way, it has the potential to become very dangerous.

If you find there can be no reasoning with the person, then you must cut off all contact. If possible, move. If not, take any measures necessary to secure your home. Change your locks, and install deadbolts if you do not already have them. Secure glass sliders with sawn-off broomsticks cut to fit the tracks. Be careful not to give your phone number or any other personal information to them, and make sure that any mutual friends do not give them this information. Practice an escape plan. Talk to trusted neighbors about procedures if any of you see a prowler.Consider getting a guard dog.

Now, when there are children between you, it becomes a more difficult situation as they may decide to use the children as an excuse for stalking. If you are in a custody battle, let the court system know what is going on. Sometimes you wind up with a choice between visitation and privacy. In this case, the visitation comes at a high price because when your privacy is compromised, they come up with more reasons to take you back to court. If you don't know your stalker, you can call the police if they try to contact you.

Get a restraining order. Although this may upset your stalker, it will also make clear to him that hassling you is a crime. If the stalker violates the order, call the police immediately...no matter what the circumstances. If the stalker continues to harass you, make sure you keep a record of each incident, and tell everyone. You have done nothing to be ashamed of so don't be afraid to let your friends help you. Depending on the atmosphere at work, you may or may not want to share this information with your boss.

Join a support group. Victim advocates in district attorney’s offices can help you find one. Remember, there is strength in numbers.

The Nicole Brown Foundation

Stalking Resource Center

Why They Stalk

2010-09-09T09:52:00.000-07:00


Please take time to read this section. It is extremely important to be aware of the following traits of stalkers. These will alert you to the possibility that a potential suitor or even a friend or acquaintance could become a stalker.

Stalkers refuse to take no for an answer. They cannot or will not believe that the victim is not interested in them or has no desire to rekindle their relationship. In fact, they often believe that their victim really does love them, but just doesn't know it; hence, the victim needs to be pushed into realizing it. As long as they continue pursuing their victim, the stalker can convince themselves they haven't been completely rejected yet.

Stalkers have an obsessive personality. The become so totally obsessed the the person they are pursuing, that their every waking thought centers on the victim. Every plan the stalker has for the future involves the victim. And, along with their obsessive thinking, they also display other psychological problems or personality disorders. They may suffer from paranoia, schizophrenia, and other types of delusional thinking, and although there are drugs out there to treat certain specific mental disorders, the stalkers, when given the choice, rarely comply with their medication or treatment.

Most stalkers are above average in intelligence; hence, they are usually much smart than your usual person with mental problems. Thus, they are able to go to great lengths to obtain information about their victim or to find a victim who has secretly moved. (In my case, my ex found me through a real estate friend of his. He manipulated the man into believing that he had some important news for me from my family). They have been known to hack into computers, to tap telephone lines, and even go so far as to take jobs at public utilities that allow them access to the victims...and because of their intelligence, they are able to throw others off their trail.

Stalkers do not display the norm discomfort or anxiety that most people feel when they find themselves in certain situations. For example, normal folk would be quite embarrassed if they were discovered following other people, going through their trash, or any other inappropriate behaviors that they display. but to stalkers, they are not being inappropriate at all. This is only a means of gaining the other person's love.

This is a big one. Most stalkers don't have any relationships outside of the one they imagine exists between themselves and their victim...and it is because they are such loners, that they become so desperate to obtain this relationship.
Stalkers suffer from very low self-esteem and feel that they 'must' have a relationship with their victim in order to have any self worth.

And finally, few stalkers can see how their actions are hurting others. Most do not think they are threatening or intimidating; they actually believe that they are simply trying to show the victim that they are the right one for them. Like sociopaths, society's rules do not pertain to them because in their eyes, they are not doing anything wrong. They do not regard what they are doing as a crime. To them, it is true love; the only exception is that the victim doesn't know it yet.

Stalkers can become dangerous and violent when frustrated...and often deadly, and although most of the cases do not end in murder or bodily injury, enough do each year, so victims should never brush aside that possibility. This is not a crime to be taken lightly...no matter who the stalker is.

Do you know anyone like this?.....

Refuses to take no for an answer
Has an obsessive personality type
Has above average intelligence
No or very few personal relationships
Suffers no embarrassment or discomfort at actions
Low self esteem
Has a noticeable mean streak
Sociopathic personality

Stalking

2010-09-07T10:50:00.000-07:00

Stalking is defined as "the willful, malicious and repeated following and harassing of another person", and it is estimated that one out of every 12 women has been stalked at some time in her life. In most cases, the purpose of stalking is to force a relationship with an unwilling or unavailable target. It is a crime of power and control.

The National Center for Victims of Crime defines stalking as "virtually any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear..." Examples may include:

following a person
appearing at a person's home or place of business
making harassing phone calls
leaving written messages or objects
vandalizing a person's property or breaking into the victim's home or car
sending seemingly romantic gifts such as flowers
gathering information on the victim such as contacting people who know the victim or gathering public records
threats of violence intended to frighten the victim
cyberstalking such as installing spyware on the victim's computer

It is estimated that the majority of stalking victims are between 18 and 39 years old, and the  most common type of stalking is by a person in a former personal or  romantic relationship, like an ex-husband — only a small number of women  are stalked by strangers.

Stalking can be very traumatic and cause emotional stress. When I broke up with my ex, he made threats and promised that he would hunt me down wherever I went. It's a terrifying feeling to always be looking over your shoulder, running away every time you see a car or a person that resembles him. Hence, it is not beyond reason that victims of  stalking may have nightmares, feel out of control, have trouble  sleeping, eating, and concentrating, or feel vulnerable or depressed.  Stalking can also cause financial stress if the victim loses time from  work or can't go to work. 

I had to give up my job, my home, live on welfare...and it took several years before I felt safe enough to live a normal life again, but not for long because one day I came home from work to find a greeting card from him slipped through the slot in my door; it hadn't been sent through the mails.  He had been at my home.  I felt violated, frightened; I began to cry.  Of course, I had to move and start over again...another job, another borough. He never did find me again, but I never truly felt safe, not until I heard that he had passed away.   

Labor Day

2010-09-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

1765 The first society of working women, the 'Daughters of Liberty', is organized.

1824 Women workers strike for the first time in history at Pawtucket, Rhode Island. 102 women workers strike in support of brother weavers protesting the simultaneous reduction in wages and extension of the workday.

1825 'The United Tailoresses of New York' is formed. It is the first union for women only.

1831 In February of this year, almost 1600 women, all members of the United Tailoresses of New York, strike for "a just price for our labor."

1845 The 'Female Labor Reform Association' is formed in Lowell, Massachusetts by Sarah Bagley and other women cotton mill workers to reduce the work day from 12 or 13 hours a day to 10, and to improve sanitation and safety in the mills where they worked.

1853 Antoinette Brown becomes the first U.S. woman to be ordained as a Protestant minister.

1867 Cigar makers are the first national union to accept women and African Americans.

1869  In July, women shoemakers form the 'Daughters of St. Crispin', the first national union of women workers, at Lynn, Massachusetts. 

1872 Congress passes a law giving women federal employee equal pay for equal work.

1881 In Atlanta, Georgia almost 3,000 black women laundry workers stage one of the largest and most effective strikes in the history of the south.

1888 Suffragists win passage of a law requiring women doctors for women patients in mental institutions.

1889 Jane Adams founds Hull House in Chicago to assist the poor. It becomes a model for many other settlement houses and establishes social work as a profession for women.

1892 Mary Kenney O'Sullivan of the Bindery Workers is appointed the AFL's first female national organizer.

1898 Charlotte Perkins Gillman wrote 'Women and Economics' which argues that women need to be economically independent.

1899 The National Consumers League is formed with Florence Kelley as its president. The League organizes women to use their power as consumers to push for better working conditions and protective law for women workers.

1903  Mary Harris "Mother Jones" Jones leads a protest march of mill children, many  of who were victims of industrial accidents, from Philadelphia to New  York, At the AFL convention in Boston, women unionists unite to  form the National Women's Trade Union League and elect Mary Morton Kehew  president and Jane Addams vice-president. The National Women's Trade  Union League (WTUL) is established to advocate for improved wages and  working conditions for women.

1909   20,000 female shirtwaist workers in New York State strike against sweatshop conditions. 

1910 The wives of striking miners arrested in Greensburg, Pennsylvania sing their way out of jail under the leadership of Mother Jones.

1912 In Lawrence, Massachusetts the IWW leads a strike of 23,000 men, women and children in the "Bread & Roses" Strike, hailed as the first successful multi-ethnic strike (see History Matters).

Teddy Roosevelt's Bull Moose Party became the first major political  party to include a woman's suffrage plank in its official platform.

1916 Jeannette Rankin became the first women elected to the United States House of Representatives. Ms. Rankin served two terms in the House from (1916-1918 and (1940-1942)

1917 During WWI women's wartime work in heavy industry and public service jobs expanded women's roles in society.

1919 August 26, United Mine Workers' organizer Fannie Sellins, a widowed mother of four, is shot to death by coal company guards while leading strikers in Brackenridge, Pennsylvania.

1920 The Women's Bureau of the Department of Labor is formed to collect information about women in the workforce and safeguard good working conditions for women

1931 In September, Clara Holden, National Textile Workers' Union organizer is abducted and beaten by vigilantes in Greenville, South Carolina.

1933 Francis Perkins, the first women in a presidential cabinet, served as Secretary of Labor throughout the Roosevelt administration, 1933-1945.

1934 Florence Ellinwood Allen becomes first woman on US Court of Appeals

1935 Mary McLeod Bethune organizes the National Council of Negro Women, a coalition of black women's groups that lobbies against job discrimination, racism, and sexism.

1936 President FDR appointed Ms. Bethune to serve as director or Negro Affairs of the National Youth Administration in 1936 making her the first African-American women to be a presidential advisor.

1941  The shortage of workers caused by WWII opens a wide range of  high-paying jobsto women. Almost seven million women enter the  workforce, including two million in heavy industry.

1961  President John Kennedy establishes the President's Commission on the  Status of Women and appoints Eleanor Roosevelt as chairwoman. The report  issued by the Commission in 1963 documents substantial discrimination  against women in the workplace and makes specific recommendations for  improvement, including fair hiring practices, paid maternity leave, and  affordable child care.

1963 In June, Congress passes the Equal Pay Act, making it illegal for employers to pay a woman less than what a man would receive for the same job.

1964 Title VII of the Civil Rights Act bars discrimination in employment on the basis of race and sex. At the same time it establishes the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) to investigate complaints and impose penalties.

1965 Aileen Hernandex was the first woman appointed to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. In 1971 she was elected president of NOW.

1966 The National Org for Women NOW is formed by a group of feminists including Betty Friedan. The largest women's rights group in the U.S. NOW seeks to end sexual discrimination, especially in the workplace, by means of legislative lobbying, litigation, and public demonstrations.

1967  Executive Order 11375 expands President Lyndon Johnson's affirmative  action policy of 1965 to cover discrimination based on gender. As a  result, federal agencies and contractors must take active measures to  ensure that women as well as minorities enjoy the same educational and  employment opportunities as white males.

1968 The EEOC rules that sex-segregated help wanted ads in newspapers are illegal. This ruling is upheld in 1973 by the Supreme Court, opening the way for women to apply for higher-paying jobs hitherto open only to men.

Shirley Chisholm is the first Black woman elected to U.S. Congress.  

1969  Mary Moultrie organizes the successful strike of 550 black women  hospital workers for union representation in Charleston, South Carolina.  

1970 In Schultz v. Wheaton Glass Co., a U.S. Court of Appeals rules that jobs held by men and women need to be "substantially equal" but not "identical" to fall under the protection of the Equal Pay Act. An employer cannot, for example, change the job titles of women workers in order to pay them less than men.

1972 The Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) is passed by Congress and sent to the states for ratification. Originally drafted by Alice Paul in 1923, the amendment reads: "Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex." The amendment died in 1982 when it failed to achieve ratification by a minimum of 38 states.

1974 In Corning Glass Works v. Brennan, the U.S. Supreme Court rules that employers cannot justify paying women lower wages because that is what they traditionally received under the "going market rate." A wage differential occurring "simply because men would not work at the low rates paid women" is unacceptable.

November 13, Karen Gay Silkwood, a lab tech at the Cimeron plutonium  plant and officer of the Oil, Chemical, and Atomic Workers Union local  in Oklahoma City dies mysteriously en route to a union meeting with a  newspaper reporter. 

1978 The Pregnancy Discrimination Act bans employment discrimination against pregnant women. Under the Act, a woman cannot be fired or denied a job or a promotion because she is or may become pregnant, nor can she be forced to take a pregnancy leave if she is willing and able to work.

100,000 women and men march in support of the Equal Rights Amendment in Washington, D.C.

1981 Sandra Day O'Connor was the first woman appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court.

1983 Sally Ride was the first American woman in space.

1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman Principal Chief of a major American Indian tribe, the Cherokee Nation in Oklahoma.

1990 Women serve in combat for the first time, during the Gulf War.

And this is not, by any means, the end of it. The list continues to grow. Let us take this Labor Day to salute these women who came before us and paved the way for our rights.

Amelia Earhart Statue to be Added to Capital

2010-09-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

"One of my favorite phobias is that girls, especially those whose tastes aren't routine, often don't get a fair break... It has come down through the generations, an inheritance of age-old customs which produced the corollary that women are bred to timidity."--Amelia Earhart

She disappeared forever, seemingly, after a transmission on July 2, 1937. But Amelia Earhart is back. It’s official now: Plans to add a statue of groundbreaking aviator, Amelia Earhart, to replace the statue of John James Ingalls in the U.S. Capitol became public this week. Earhart will become only the 10th woman to be featured in Statuary Hall, where each state is allotted space for two of its citizens to be honored.

She was born on July 24, 1897 in Kansas, at her grandparent's home in Atchison, Kansas, the daughter of Edwin and Amy Earhart.  She and her sister lived with their wealthy            grandparents in Atchison and attended a private school until 1908 when            the family moved to Des Moines. When Amelia was 11 years old, she went with her dad to the state fair, and it was there that she saw her first airplane. While a  teenager during WWI, she served as a volunteer nurse. After the  war, Amelia enrolled as a pre-med student at Columbia University, and although  she was doing well in school, she moved back to California to be with her  parents. One day she accompanied her father to an "aerial meet" and went  on a 10 minute flight over Los Angeles. That was the moment that she knew  flying was what she wanted to do. For her twenty-fifth birthday on July 24, 1922, she finally had enough money saved and began her flying lessons.

Then in 1928, Earhart received an invitation to become the first  woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean and even though she was not to be flying the plane herself, she accepted. On June 3, 1928, they from Trepassey Harbor, Newfoundland; the pilot waslot Bill Stultz and the mechanic/co-pilot Slim Gordon. Relying  entirely on instrumentation readings to navigate, a skill few pilots  then possessed, they crossed the Atlantic and touched down some 21  hours later at Burry Port, a small town Wales. All three crew members were instant  heroes, and after being received by British royalty, they returned home to a  ticker tape parade in New York and a White House reception with  President Calvin Coolidge.  

Four years later, on May 20, 1932, Amelia flew a single engine plane from Harbor Grace, Newfoundland and, although battling icy  winds and mechanical difficulties, she landed in Culmore, 
Ireland in a record setting 14 hours and  56 minutes. The first woman to pilot a plane across  the Atlantic Ocean, Earhart was also the first person to have crossed  the Atlantic twice by air, and only the second person in history to have  flown solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She'd also set the record for the  fastest Atlantic crossing, and the longest distance flown by a woman.

It was in  1937 that she attempted to become the first person ever to fly around  the world at its longest point:the equator, a challenging trip of 29,000  miles.  She intended for this feat to be the last record-setting flight of her  legendary career. Ironically, it was for on July 2, 1937, she took off from Miami heading east on an around-the-world course. Her  plane was specially equipped, and she was accompanied by navigator, Fred Noonan. On July 2 they took off for the most difficult  leg of the trip, from New Guinea to the tiny Howland Island in the  mid-Pacific. They never arrived, and an extensive land, air and sea search  failed to turn up any trace of them. Repeated efforts  to  contact the fliers were unsuccessful and they were presumed out of fuel  and lost at sea. And to this day, the world's most famous  female pilot, her navigator, or their plane has ever been found.

Amelia Earhart was never afraid to break down barriers. There weren't many female pilots back then, and her actions inspired other women to follow their dreams. This was especially important because there were few career choices available to women at that time. Amelia Earhart has inspired generations of women to do things that had never been done by women before. Amelia Earhart, we salute you.