Happy Women's Day

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along… You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” 

Eleanor Roosevelt

The $20 Bill

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.

In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20."

"Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in God's eyes. To Him, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to Him."

THOUGHT: The worth of our lives come not in what we do or who we are but by WHOSE WE ARE! You are special - Don't ever forget it! 

Author Unknown

A Strong Woman

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
but a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessing
and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face...
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that
she will become strong.

--Anonymous--

As you travel through life there are always those times

When decisions just have to be made,

When the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce,

And the rain seems to soak your parade.

There are some situations where all you can do

Is simply let go and move on,

Gather your courage and choose a direction

That carries you toward a new dawn.

So pack up your troubles and take a step forward -

The process of change can be tough,

But think about all the excitement ahead

If you can be stalwart enough!

There might be adventures you never imagined

Just waiting around the next bend,

And wishes and dreams just about to come true

In ways you can’t yet comprehend!

Perhaps you’ll find friendships that spring from new things

As you challenge your status quo,

And learn there are so many options in life,

And so many ways you can grow!

Perhaps you’ll go places you never expected

And see things that you’ve never seen,

Or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds

And wonderful spots in between!

Perhaps you’ll find warmth and affection and caring

And somebody special who’s there

To help you stays centered and listen with interest

To stories and feelings you share.

Perhaps you’ll find comfort in knowing your friends

Are supportive of all that you do,

And believe that whatever decisions you make,

They’ll be the right choices for you.

So keep putting one foot in front of the other,

And taking your life day by day…

There’s a brighter tomorrow that’s just down the road -

Don’t look back! You’re not going that way!

Anonymous

My Journey to Recovery

The language we use to communicate with one another is like a knife. In the hands of a careful and skilled surgeon, a knife can work to do great good. But in the hands of a careless or ignorant person, a knife can cause great harm.

Exactly as it is with our words. 

Source Unknown

We'd been married for 15 years when it happened.  It's something I never talk about, but I feel safe here.  I also feel that maybe by telling my story I can stop someone else before it is too late.  As I sit here now, 27 years later, I shudder when I think of what might have been had my friend not found me.  I might not be sitting here writing this.  I recall the feelings of hopelessness that drove me to such a desperate act to escape.

I met him shortly after moving to the city.  He was a part time actor/part time bouncer.  I tended bar.  We married about six months later.  The sick part of it is I KNEW beforehand that this man was violent, yet I was so desperate for love that I headed off to city hall with him despite the fact that he had broken my jaw only a month before.   I was a fool, I know that now, but at that time, I had already been beaten down by a verbally abusive mom, a father who made incestuous overtures towards me, an alcoholic husband, and a sex addict husband who slept around with any woman willing to spread their legs...and some of them were pretty filthy.  So you might as well say I was ripe for the picking.

Marriage to this man was hell.  The physical abuse ended when I struck him in the head with the phone when he tried to stop me from calling the police.  He was worried that I might ruin his face for his little acting career so he stopped being physical, but the verbal continued on and on and on, until I was nothing but a shell of a woman.  For 15 years I took it. 

Then one day I went to a psychic with a friend.  He was very accurate and told me things I didn't want to hear.  The entire session was taped, but the one part I still can't get out of my head:  "You have to accept the fact that there is no way out".  I walked out of there devastated.  He had taken my hope away, but I had wanted an honest reading and that I got.  He was right.  There WAS NO WAY OUT.  I couldn't afford to live on my own with my children, and besides, his uncle was mob connected, and my ex threatened to have me killed if I left him with the children.  

So one day when the kids were in school and my ex was out, I climbed up on the stool, got the bottle of rum down from atop the cupboards, and as I sat there sipping my drink, the tears began to flow.  Then, I put the cassette of the psychic on and kept playing that one part over and over again.  I was a mess when I went to the medicine cabinet and got my muscle relaxers out, brought them to the kitchen table and sat sipping my rum as I took one pill after another....all the while hearing the psychics voice.     

I remember going into the bathroom because I was feeling sick and falling into the tub.  I remember falling back down every time I tried to get up....and laughing hysterical about it.  I remember being on a stretcher and carried to the ambulance and the shocked faces of all my neighbors. I remember the doctor on the psyche ward.  "Call downstairs and see if they have room.  She needs a detox, not psyche."  And I remember being escorted downstairs. 

The seven days I spent in the detox were the first days of my new life.  I learned that I had been using alcohol to numb the pain, but to heal and become whole, I had to face the pain...and I learned that that would take time.  I was referred to a 6 month rehab program, but there were no beds available so I was sent home to wait until there was room for me.  Eventually the call came, and my ex tried begging and then ordering me not to go.  But I suddenly had found the strength in myself and knew if I was to survive and be any kind of mom to my children I had to go.  Then he came home with a quart of rum and tried to get me to drink it.  He knew they wouldn't take me if I wasn't 'clean'. 

He didn't win that night.  He wouldn't even take me to the hospital.  His uncle did and do you know what?  This uncle that I had been threatened with told me that I shouldn't go back to him, that he crazy, that it was time for me to start a new life.  And that's exactly what I did.  I moved on.  For awhile, I was always looking over my shoulder, fearful that he had found me, but as time went on I was doing that less and less.  And then in 1996 he passed away from cancer.  I wanted to feel sympathy, but instead what I felt was 'free'. 

Am I cured?  I don't think so, but I do know I am much stronger now.  I've gone through years of therapy and groups, and my self-esteem is high, but I remain overly sensitive and easily hurt. Oh, and before I forget, they psychic did tell me something else that stuck with me.  He told me he didn't know who, when, or how, but a Leo was going to come into my life and be a source of strength for me.  My current hubby is a Leo and from day one he has been supportive and loving. He changed my life.  

Was I trying to commit suicide that day?  I don't remember.  All I know is that I was blessed and saved for a reason...and that reason was to help others.  That's why I went on to become a substance abuse counselor, victim's advocate, and Interfaith minister....and that's why I am here now.  If any of the information I share on this blog helps even one person, it is well worth it.  Remember:  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE ABUSE.  NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HIT OR VERBALLY PUT DOWN.  THERE ARE OPTIONS.  BE STRONG. 

Quote of the Day

"The day will come when men will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race.”  

Susan B. Anthony

Is He a Batterer? Early Signs to Watch Out For

Please note: I use the pronoun he because it is easier on me than writing he/she or the individual over and over again,  but women can be batterers as well as men. 

Is he very jealous? At first you think it is flattering to have someone care so much about you. You tell yourself how much they must love you. But then it becomes annoying. And it only keeps getting worse. He's jealous of your family. Of your friends. And forget about having male friends. He will accuse you of infidelities, and you will never convince him that you are innocent. He will be constantly at you, beating you down emotionally and, at times, physically.

Does he have a violent temper? If you feel fear them when they get angry, get yourself away from right away....and stay away before you become a statistic.

Is he easily frustrated and not handle it very well? This goes hand in hand with the above. He becomes enraged over the smallest things--the driver in front is too slow, the line in the store is too long because the 'stupid' clerk doesn't know what she is doing, he thinks someone is looking at him wrong and confronts the individual. Not good.

Does he talk to you in a way that degrades you, makes fun of you, or belittles your accomplishments? Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and maybe even more so because bruises heal, but painful words can last forever. My ex was verbally abusive. Despite my having a city job while he was a bouncer, he always berated my 'stupid little job'.

Has there been abuse during the courtship period? Don't think you can change him. Break it off right away.

Does he blame others for everything that is wrong in his life? Is he always the victim? One major sigh that a person might be an abuser is them not assuming any responsibility for their behaviors by making themselves out to be the one who is always wronged. Eventually he will start blaming you for everything, and when he does? Abuse will definitely follow.

Have there been any subtle behaviors in the early stage of your relationship? For example, maybe he is a bit too concerned about your safety or questions the decisions you make. Does he know best how you should dress, comb your hair, etc. These type of controlling behaviors only get worse in time.

Does he exhibit times of cruelty and abuse towards children and animals? If they are cruel to them, ask yourself the question. How will they treat me and my children in the future?

What about his childhood? Not everyone, but most people who were raised in an abusive household have a greater chance of exhibiting the same behavior towards their family.

He Sent Me Flowers Today

This is such a powerful poem I repost it often.  

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday
or any special day.
We had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry
and didn’t mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.
 

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary
or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.
 

I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day
or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.
 

I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.

© 1992 by Paulette Kelly

Why Do Women Stay

Those who have never been in an abusive relationship cannot understand just why a woman would stay and allow this to go on and on.  There is no easy answer.  Most abusive relationships don't start out that way. I imagine if it did there'd be far less women in abusive marriages.  All seems fine until one day it progress into violence.  By then, the woman may find herself unable to leave for a variety of reason.  Some of the factors that make her stay are:

Limited financial options--Usually an abuser has complete control over the family finances.  The woman usually has at least one dependent child and no property that they can call their own.  The husband controls everything--bank and credit accounts--and doles her out a minimum allowance each week, enough to buy food, but not enough to put aside.

Believing that the abuser will take the children away.--The abuser threatens the wife with child custody.  He points out that he makes enough money to hire the best of lawyers while she none.

Threats to harm the victim--My ex threatened to kill me if I left.  He said no matter where I went in the city he would find me.  Of course, he never follow through, but it was enough to scare me into staying.

Self-blame--The victim, "I deserve this.  He is a good man who works hard. He deserves to have his dinner on time."  "I'm no good. I'm a bad person".

Believing the abuser will change--My goddaughter was involved with an abusive man who actually stabbed her in the stomach during an argument.  After being released from jail, he returned begging her forgiveness.  She took him back believing he was a changed man.  He ended up sexually molesting her 11 year old daughter and threatening to toss their baby from a moving car.  (He's locked up now).

Believing violence is normal--Many of those who grow up in violent homes believe it is totally normal for one partner to abuse the other. 

Limited housing options--The first time I left my ex I went to Victim's Services and was put up in a hotel paid for my public assistance.  Roaches and mice ran free.  Addicts and alcoholics lined the hallways.  They gave me a daily allowance for food, but it barely covered my children.  I went hungry.   They finally found me an apartment and sent me to welfare for the rent and security.  I sat there all day to be told at closing time to come back tomorrow.  Same thing the next day.  By then the apartment was gone and my children were getting sick.  I had no other choice.  I went back home.

Low self-self esteem--Years of verbal abuse by my mom had totally destroyed whatever self-esteem I had.  And the fact that my ex would often use the same words she used didn't help any.  My ex: "You're ugly.  No one will want you."  My mom to a boyfriend of mine: "What do you want her for?  She's only going to be a fat old drunk like her father."  Both took pride in pointing out how bad and stupid I was. 

Isolation--The abuser keeps the victim isolated from family and friends.  I see this happening now with my granddaughter.  She's become involved with a very controlling man.  We live in different states and not to long ago my son and I made a 4 hour trips to a family reunion at my daughter's house.  My granddaughter never called or showed up.  I later heard that he instead demanded that they visit his parents.  

The victim still loves him--Or they believe they do.   Like me, they never felt love while growing up so they had no idea what love really is.

Locked Inside

She beats upon her bolted door,
With faint weak hands;
Drearily walks the narrow floor;
Sullenly sits, blank walls before;
Despairing stands.

Life calls her, Duty, Pleasure, Gain–
Her dreams respond;
But the blank daylights wax and wane,
Dull peace, sharp agony, slow pain–
No hope beyond.

Till she comes a thought! She lifts her head,
The world grows wide!
A voice–as if clear words were said–
"Your door, O long imprisonéd,
Is locked inside!"

by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Working With Batterers

To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpetrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest.

   Flora Jessop

I'm a retired substance abuse counselor and a graduate of a victim advocacy program.  Some of the stories I heard in my woman's group would blow your mind.  It breaks your heart when you hear what some of these women have gone through.  But then my agency assigned me to run a batterer's group and some of the things I heard there were even worse.  All of my men, and my woman (yes, women batter too), were on parole and fulfilling one of their mandates because they had domestic violence issues in their history.   Being a once victim and now a survivor I was a bit hesitant at first, but it was an experience that I learned so much from.

Most did not want to be there, but fear of going back to prison made them very compliant.  Several of them denied any history and questioned why they were there.  Others, including my lady, were pretty open and forthcoming.  They admitted their mistakes and appeared to have a genuine desire to correct them.  While those in denial refused to participate aside from giving their name and saying they just wanted to listen, those that were eager for change in their lives were outspoken and open about their past.  Most had suffered or seen abuse when they were growing up. (The Cycle of Violence)  and just followed in their parents footsteps. And, then, there were some who showed no remorse from what they have done.  (True story, but fake names)

Arthur was a well-to-do banker.  To his colleagues and friends, he was mild-mannered,  friendly, and kind.  To his wife, he was a tyrant, ruling the roost with an iron fist.  They had been married for about 20 years, and their children just about grown when the wife decided enough was enough so she decided that she wanted a divorce.  She told him one night after they both got home from work.  He flew into a rage and left the house.  

She had gone to bed and was about to start reading her book when she heard the front door slam.  Before she knew what was happening barged into the room and started beating her with a barbell.  The children, hearing the disturbance, were standing in the door watching as he beat her to a bloody pulp.  It took hundreds of stitches to close up her face and several surgeries to make her look human again.  The judge threw the book at him in a case that set precedence in New York State.  Not only did he receive a rather lengthy prison sentence, but his wife was awarded ALL of his money and valuables.  

Arthur ended up in my group when he was released from prison.  He was very out-spoken, but not in a good way.  He was angry with the judge and angry that his wife 'that bitch' got everything.  He kept repeating how unfair it was.  What struck me was there was NO REMORSE whatsover.  He didn't care what he had done to her.  All he cared about was that she had his money.

About 4 months in he announced in group that he had met someone and was planning on getting married.  My co-worker, who was his counselor, wrote a letter to his parole officer that, in his opinion, it was okay??? for him to get married.  His parole officer immediately picked up the phone and called me.  "I can't give my okay on this.  He has never once shown remorse.  That's a sign that he might and probably will do it again. No, I can't with a clear conscience say that he is ready to be married."  The parole officer denied his request, and even went a step further.  He could not stop  Arthur from seeing the woman, but he COULD stop them from living together.  

There is no moral to this story.  I only tell it to point out that we cannot help them all.  Change comes from within.  So, be very careful, please.

Back to School

I have an announcement to make.  I've been retired for five years now and have hobbies and a busy social life for the first time in 50 years, but something has been lacking--the ability to help others that steered me into the direction of my career.  My job was difficult, stressful, and time-consuming....and not always fulfilling.  In the substance abuse field we see a lot of failures, but it's the successes that make it all worthwhile. 

I thought of renewing my license and finding something part time, but at my age, I might as well forget about that.  State budget cuts have caused many programs to close.  Forget volunteering.  Because the state board is strict on the licensing aspect and the Hippa law, programs just don't take on volunteers...unless they were a client returning to offer services.  

So I got to thinking.  I'm a senior citizen now, 71 years old, and sadly, the fact is many elders are abused in their homes or in the facilities responsible for their care.  My heart breaks for them.  Everyone deserves to live in safety, with dignity and respect.  I've not been abused as an elder, but I have had people try to take advantage due to my age.  Our elders need our help.  So,  I have enrolled in a certification course on elder abuse.  Will be keeping you informed of what I learn.

Quote of the Day

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade." 

Constance Baker Motley (First Black Woman in the U.S. to become a Federal Judge)

I Get So Angry When....

The other day I was on Facebook, and an acquaintances post came up on my news feed.  It was right after Morgan Freeman had been accused of sexual misconduct.  The post itself was not against women, but one of the commenters said something that turned my stomach.  In essence it was that 'woman have to stop lying on their backs to promote their career' and then feel bad about it later.  This from a woman?  Is she for real?  Oh, you don't know, it took everything I had not to light into her, but not on someone else's page.  I happen to like the acquaintance, and I'm sure if I had told this moron off as I wanted to, I would have been unfriended in a flash.

What I did do, however, is come back here and pick up writing on this blog again.  I've known for years that this goes on in Hollywood.  My ex was an actor, and he used to tell me how certain actors and bigwigs insisted that the woman sleep with them if they wanted a part in the film.  Yes, the women did make a conscious choice, and yes, there are women who deliberately flaunt themselves, but for many women, it was that or forego their career.  I don't care what career it is, if you worked hard for something wouldn't you feel pressured to give in rather than lose it all.  Of course they feel bad about it later.  They felt bad about it when it happened, only if they told, who would have believed them?  

Women who have not been raped or sexually abused have no idea what it feels like.  It eats you up inside.  You smile on the outside, but inside, you hurt so bad, and it doesn't go away.  Fear keeps you from opening up.  Fear of repercussions.  Fear of being ridiculed.  Fear of being told it was all your fault.  So you hold it in.  You hold it in for years.  63 years and you, dear readers, are the only ones who know...aside from my therapist and the therapy group I attended many years ago.  Even my husband has no idea I went through that. 

So please, to those of you ladies who have never suffered any kind of abuse, sexual or otherwise, think about your comments before you say or write them.  Put yourself in the others' shoes...if you can.  But, the fact is, those who have never suffered abuse probably would never visit my blog.

She Walketh Veiled and Sleeping

She walketh veiled and sleeping,
For she knoweth not her power;
She obeyeth but the pleading
Of her heart, and the high leading
Of her soul, unto this hour.
Slow advancing, halting, creeping,
Comes the Woman to the hour!–
She walketh veiled and sleeping,
For she knoweth not her power. 

by Charlotte Perkins Gilman 

On This Memorial Day

The WASPS

As we celebrate this Memorial Day let us take a moment to remember all who gave their lives for our country. 

In the early 1940's the Air Force found itself in quite a quandary.  Thousands of planes were being manufactured and needed to be delivered to the various bases, but the pilots were all overseas fighting in the war so the government launched a new, experimental program to train women to fly these military aircraft. From 1942 to 1944, thousands of women were trained.

And so it was that a select group of women became pioneers and as such, they faced both disbelief and resentment from their male counterparts.  Nonetheless, these women remained fearless and committed. They were our heroes and our role models.

The women came from all walks of life, but they all had one desire...the desire to fly. They were forced to undergo some very rigorous training, and only barely half of the women who signed up made it to graduation.  They were the first women in American history who flew military aircraft. 

They voluntarily put their lives on the line to prove that women could successfully fly these military aircraft. Thirty-eight of these woman were killed in the line of duty. 

Jane Delores Champlin:  b.14 May 1917 in Chicago, Illinois.  She lost her life on July 7, 1944 when she and her training instructor were killed on a training flight. 

Susan Parker Clarke: b. 1918 in Cooperstown, New York.  She died July 4, 1944 when the plane she was flying crashed in Columbia, South Carolina.  

Marjorie Laverne Davis: b. Hollywood, California.  Marjorie died October 16, 1944 while on a cross country training flight.

Catherine Kay Applegate Dussig: b. Dayton, Washington.  She died November 26, 1944  while flying on an administrative cross-country flight.

Marjorie Doris Edwards: b. 28 September 1918 in Fullerton, California.  She died January 8, 1944  while on a cross country training flight.

Jane Elizabeth Erickson: b. 24 April 1921 in Seattle, Washington.  She died April 16, 1944 in a mid-air collision in the traffic pattern at Avenger Field.

Cornelia Fort: 5 February 1919 in Nashville, Tennessee.  She died March 21 1943 in a mid-air collision.  She was the first woman to lose her life while flying for the Army Air Force.

Frances Fortune Grimes: b. Deerpark, Maryland.  She died in an attack bomber on March 27, 1944 shortly after take-off.

Mary E. Hartson: b. 11 January 1917 in Portland, Oregon.  She died August 14,  1944 while flight testing. 

Mary Holmes Houson: b. 16 February 1919 in Wayne, Pennsylvania.  She died while returning from a cross country flight...a mid-air collision.

Edith Edy Clayton Keene: b. Canton, Montana.  She died April 24, 1944 while on a routine flight.

Catherine Barbara Lawrence: b. 3 December 1920 in Grand Fork, North Dakota.  She died August 4,  1943 while on a routine training flight.  She bailed out, but her chute failed to open.

Hazel Ying Lee:  b. August, 1912 in Portland, Oregon.  She died November 23, 1944 in a mid-air collision while on the final approach to the Great Falls Army Airfield.

Paula Ruth Loop: b. 25 Aug 1916 in Wakita, Oklahoma.  She died July 7,1944 while on a ferrying mission.

Alice E. Lovejoy: b:1919 in Scarsdale, New York.  She died September 13, 1944 in a mid-air collision.

Peggy Wilson Martin: b. 8 Feb 1912 in Seattle, Washington.  She died October 3, 1944 while test flying.

Lea Ola MacDonald: b. 12 Oct 1921 in Hollywood, Arizona.  She died June 21, 1944 on a practice flight of an attack bomber.

Virginia E. Moffat:  b. Los Angeles, California.  She died October5, 1943 while on a routine flight. 

Beverly Jean Moses: b. 21 December 1923 in Des Moines, Iowa.  She died while flying as a co-pilot when their plane crashed into the mountains.

Dorothy Mae Dottie Nichols: b. Los Angeles, California.  She died June 11, 1944 just after take-off.

Jeanne Lewellen Norbeck: b. 14 November 1912 in Columbus, Indiana.  She died October 15,1944 while flight testing.

Margaret Sanfford Oldenburg: She was the first trainee to die in the WASP Program when she was killed on a routine flight  March 7, 1943.

Mabel Virginia Rawlinson: b. 19 March 1917 in Kalamazoo, MI.  She died August 23,1943 when her attack bomber crashed.

Gleanna Roberts: b. 11 Jan 1919 in Sharon Township, Iowa.  She died June 20, 1944 while on a routine training flight.

Maria Mitchell Robinson: b. Michigan.  She died while co-piloting on October 2,  1944.  Her plane crashed in the mountains.

Bettie Mae Scott: b. 26 July 1921 in Monrovia, California.  She died July 8, 1944 while flight testing.

Dorothy E. Scott: b. 16 Feb 1920 in Seattle, Washington.  She died  December 3, 1943 in a mid-air collision with her instructor.

Margaret June Seip: b. 24 June 1916 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  She died August 30, 1943 together with her instructor and a fellow classmate on a routine training flight.

Helen Jo Anderson Severson: b. 2 November 1918 in Marvin SD.  She died together with her instructior and a fellow classmate on a routine flight on August 30, 1943.  

Marie Ethel Sharon: b. 21 April 1917 in Forsythe, MT.  She died April 10, 1944 while she and her instructor were on a night flying instrument training flight.

Evelyn Sharp: b. 20 October 1919 in Millstone, MT.  She died April 3, 1944 when her engine failed on take-off.

Betty Pauline Stine: b. Fort Worth, Texas.  She died February 25,1944 while on her last cross country flight before graduation.  

Marian Toevs.: b. Aberdeen, ID.  She was killed February 18, 1944 when her plane crashed near San Jose.

Gertrude Tompkins-Silver: b. 16 October 1912 in Jersey City, New Jersey.  She died after departing on a ferrying mission.  Her body was never found, and she is the only WASP unaccounted for.

Mary Elizabeth Trebing: b. 31 December 1920 in Royalton, IL.  She died November 7, 1943 when the plane she was ferrying crashed.

Mary Louise Webster: b. 30 Jun 1919 in Ellensburg, Washington.  She died December 9, 1944 while flying as a co-pilot.

Bonnie Jean Alloway Welz: b. 22 Jun 1918in Bridgeport, WA.  She died while on an administrative flight. 

Betty Taylor Wood: b. March, 1921 in New Berlin, IL.  She died September 23, 1943 in a crash landing of an attack bomber.

Let us pay tribute to these women by honoring their memory...the memory of women whose sacrifices brought honor to their country and to themselves.  May we never forget.

I Am a Survivor

Gosh, I haven't been here in a few years, but I had to come back.  Now is the time. Don't know why my pictures all disappeared, but that's okay.  It's not the picture, but the message that counts.  I think, no I know, what drew me back her is the "Me Too" movement.  I am so proud of these women for speaking out.  Women have suffered in silence for far too long.  

I'm a survivor of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.  I was gang-raped at 18, endured incestuous overtures from my dad, and was molested by the husband of my mom's friend when I was a little girl.  I am 71 years old now, and to this day, I never gave the names of those who raped me.  The police officers, my mom, even the doctors and nurses at the hospital implored me to tell them who had done this to me, but I knew better.  Back in those days, it always boiled down to being the woman's fault.  "You should have dressed differently" or "You shouldn't have gotten into the car with them" despite the fact that I knew them and trusted them to bring me home.  "A woman doesn't belong in a bar" was another biggie. That's just the way it was in those days.  

To this day, I have only opened up about being molested as a little girl to you here on my blog.  I was ashamed.  And as far as my dad goes, I'd been gone from home about 10 years before I called my mom and confided in her.  Her response was?  "That never happened.  And don't you ever call here again."  I tried re-connecting several years later, and the first thing she said was, "I spoke to your dad, and he said it never happened" You lied."  And she promptly hung up on me.  That was the last I spoke with my mom.  I had tried, and there was nothing I could do.  My dad carried his dirty little secret to the grave, and my mom never forgave me. She died two years ago this July, and my heart breaks that we had no closure.  I don't know if she ever came around to believing me, or if she still held to her conviction that I was a 'rebellious' child.  

I will never know the answer, and I cannot dwell on it as much as it hurts.  I am a survivor.

Labor Day (Repost)

1765  The first society of working women, the 'Daughters of Liberty', is organized.

1824  Women workers strike for the first time in history at Pawtucket, Rhode Island. 102 women workers strike in support of brother weavers protesting the simultaneous reduction in wages and extension of the workday.

1825  'The United Tailoresses of New York' is formed.  It is the first union for women only.

1831  In February of this year, almost 1600 women, all members of the United Tailoresses of New York, strike for "a just price for our labor."

1845  The 'Female Labor Reform Association' is formed in Lowell, Massachusetts by Sarah Bagley and other women cotton mill workers to reduce the work day from 12 or 13 hours a day to 10, and to improve sanitation and safety in the mills where they worked.

1853  Antoinette Brown becomes the first U.S. woman to be ordained as a Protestant minister.

1867  Cigar makers are the first national union to accept women and African Americans.  

1869  In July, women shoemakers form the 'Daughters of St. Crispin', the first national union of women workers, at Lynn, Massachusetts.

1872  Congress passes a law giving women federal employee equal pay for equal work.

1881  In Atlanta, Georgia almost 3,000 black women laundry workers stage one of the largest and most effective strikes in the history of the south. 

1888 Suffragists win passage of a law requiring women doctors for women patients in mental institutions.

1889  Jane Adams founds Hull House in Chicago to assist the poor. It becomes a model for many other settlement houses and establishes social work as a profession for women.

1892  Mary Kenney O'Sullivan of the Bindery Workers is appointed the AFL's first female national organizer.

1898 Charlotte Perkins Gillman wrote 'Women and Economics' which argues that women need to be economically independent.

1899  The National Consumers League is formed with Florence Kelley as its president. The League organizes women to use their power as consumers to push for better working conditions and protective law for women workers.

1903  Mary Harris "Mother Jones" Jones leads a protest march of mill children, many of who were victims of industrial accidents, from Philadelphia to New York, At the AFL convention in Boston, women unionists unite to form the National Women's Trade Union League and elect Mary Morton Kehew president and Jane Addams vice-president. The National Women's Trade Union League (WTUL) is established to advocate for improved wages and working conditions for women.

  

1909   20,000 female shirtwaist workers in New York State strike against sweatshop conditions.

1910  The wives of striking miners arrested in Greensburg, Pennsylvania sing their way out of jail under the leadership of Mother Jones.

1912  In Lawrence, Massachusetts the IWW leads a strike of 23,000 men, women and children in the  "Bread & Roses" Strike, hailed as the first successful multi-ethnic strike (see History Matters).

Teddy Roosevelt's Bull Moose Party became the first major political party to include a woman's suffrage plank in its official platform.

1916  Jeannette Rankin became the first women elected to the United States House of Representatives. Ms. Rankin served two terms in the House from (1916-1918 and (1940-1942)

1917  During WWI women's wartime work in heavy industry and public service jobs expanded women's roles in society.

1919  August 26, United Mine Workers' organizer Fannie Sellins, a widowed mother of four, is shot to death by coal company guards while leading strikers in Brackenridge, Pennsylvania.

1920  The Women's Bureau of the Department of Labor is formed to collect information about women in the workforce and safeguard good working conditions for women

1931  In September, Clara Holden, National Textile Workers' Union organizer is abducted and beaten by vigilantes in Greenville, South Carolina.

1933  Francis Perkins, the first women in a presidential cabinet, served as Secretary of Labor throughout the Roosevelt administration, 1933-1945.

1934  Florence Ellinwood Allen becomes first woman on US Court of Appeals

1935  Mary McLeod Bethune organizes the National Council of Negro Women, a coalition of black women's groups that lobbies against job discrimination, racism, and sexism.

1936  President FDR appointed Ms. Bethune to serve as director or Negro Affairs of the National Youth Administration in 1936 making her the first African-American women to be a presidential advisor.

1941  The shortage of workers caused by WWII opens a wide range of high-paying jobsto women. Almost seven million women enter the workforce, including two million in heavy industry.

  

1961  President John Kennedy establishes the President's Commission on the Status of Women and appoints Eleanor Roosevelt as chairwoman. The report issued by the Commission in 1963 documents substantial discrimination against women in the workplace and makes specific recommendations for improvement, including fair hiring practices, paid maternity leave, and affordable child care.

1963  In June, Congress passes the Equal Pay Act, making it illegal for employers to pay a woman less than what a man would receive for the same job.

1964  Title VII of the Civil Rights Act bars discrimination in employment on the basis of race and sex. At the same time it establishes the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) to investigate complaints and impose penalties.

1965  Aileen Hernandex was the first woman appointed to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. In 1971 she was elected president of NOW.

1966  The National Org for Women NOW is formed  by a group of feminists including Betty Friedan. The largest women's rights group in the U.S. NOW seeks to end sexual discrimination, especially in the workplace, by means of legislative lobbying, litigation, and public demonstrations.

1967  Executive Order 11375 expands President Lyndon Johnson's affirmative action policy of 1965 to cover discrimination based on gender. As a result, federal agencies and contractors must take active measures to ensure that women as well as minorities enjoy the same educational and employment opportunities as white males.

1968  The EEOC rules that sex-segregated help wanted ads in newspapers are illegal. This ruling is upheld in 1973 by the Supreme Court, opening the way for women to apply for higher-paying jobs hitherto open only to men.

Shirley Chisholm is the first Black woman elected to U.S. Congress.  

1969  Mary Moultrie organizes the successful strike of 550 black women hospital workers for union representation in Charleston, South Carolina.

1970  In Schultz v. Wheaton Glass Co., a U.S. Court of Appeals rules that jobs held by men and women need to be "substantially equal" but not "identical" to fall under the protection of the Equal Pay Act. An employer cannot, for example, change the job titles of women workers in order to pay them less than men.

1972  The Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) is passed by Congress and sent to the states for ratification. Originally drafted by Alice Paul in 1923, the amendment reads: "Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex." The amendment died in 1982 when it failed to achieve ratification by a minimum of 38 states. 

1974  In Corning Glass Works v. Brennan, the U.S. Supreme Court rules that employers cannot justify paying women lower wages because that is what they traditionally received under the "going market rate." A wage differential occurring "simply because men would not work at the low rates paid women" is unacceptable.

November 13, Karen Gay Silkwood, a lab tech at the Cimeron plutonium plant and officer of the Oil, Chemical, and Atomic Workers Union local in Oklahoma City dies mysteriously en route to a union meeting with a newspaper reporter.

1978  The Pregnancy Discrimination Act bans employment discrimination against pregnant women. Under the Act, a woman cannot be fired or denied a job or a promotion because she is or may become pregnant, nor can she be forced to take a pregnancy leave if she is willing and able to work.

100,000 women and men march in support of the Equal Rights Amendment in Washington, D.C.

1981  Sandra Day O'Connor was the first woman appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court.

1983  Sally Ride was the first American woman in space.

1985  Wilma Mankiller became the first woman Principal Chief of a major American Indian tribe, the Cherokee Nation in Oklahoma.

1990  Women serve in combat for the first time, during the Gulf War.

And this is not, by any means, the end of it.  The list continues to grow.  Let us take this Labor Day to salute these women who came before us and paved the way for our rights. 

My Story Repost

Rape is forced and unwanted. It is about power, not sex, and it can happen to both men and women of any age. The U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) defines rape as: "The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."

Forty-six years ago, I was like a giddy teenager dressing for the prom.  This was the 'one'.  I just knew he had to be it.  When you grow up in an alcoholic and verbally abusive household, every one is the 'one'.  You are so starved for love that you look beyond the obvious and see only what you want to see.  Hence, you fall into many bad situations.  Had I not been so blinded by any flattering attention that came my way, I would have seen the obvious.  John (not his real name) was a control freak and a drinker. We had plans to go dancing that night, and as I whirled about the living room in my new dress, I never imagined the nightmare that was to come.

In the 60's, New York's drinking age was 18, so we headed over the border to a little club in New York State where we danced the night away.  I had a fabulous time, and maybe a bit too much to drink. Perhaps that is why I hadn't noticed the sly glance between my date and his two friends who had asked for a ride home.  Had I been more alert, I would not have gotten into that car.  But really, when you think of it, isn't that a bit like placing the blame on myself and not where it belongs?  After all, he was my date, and I trusted him.  Our dates are not only supposed to show  us a good time, but aren't they supposed to protect us as well?

I remember him driving off onto an old dirt road.  I pulled him up on it, and he said it was a shortcut to his friend's house.  I remember it seemed to go on forever before he pulled to a stop.  My date and his buddies got out of the car.  He asked if I wanted to stretch my legs, but by now I was getting a wee bit nervous.  My intuition was telling me that something was up.  I remember telling him that I wanted to go home.  He laughed.  Then, I remember him reaching in and pulling me out of the car.  By now I was screaming.  I knew what was about to happen, and miraculously, I blacked out before the worst of it occurred.

The next thing I remember it was early morning, and as the sun began  to rise, I found myself on a country road--bloodied, bruised, broken.  A man came out of one of the houses to walk his dog and immediately called for his wife to call the police.  They were wonderful to me.  The wife took me upstairs to the bathroom and to freshen my face, and when I looked into the mirror, I didn't know who it was looking back at me.  My hair was in disarray with grass and dirt all tangled in it, eyes red and puffy, lines of mascara running down my cheeks. My lip was swollen and inside my mouth was a small cut.  I must have put up a fight.

My experience at the police station was awful.  The officers actually seemed more concerned about how much I had to drink than what happened to me.  They knew I had been raped, but, back in those days, being raped was a personal shame for the victim.  Had I given names and chosen to go to court, my reputation would have been shattered by the defense attorney.  In that era, the rape was always the 'victim's' fault.  They either dressed provocatively or, in my case, went to a bar to have a few drinks and got in the car with three men.  Never mind, that one of them was my date for the night.

Mom was no better. She really put the screws in as she drove me to the hospital.   It was all my fault. Nice girls don't go to bars.  Oh, how she hoped this stayed quiet.  People were already talking about dad, the alcoholic.  She didn't need them talking about the daughter, the slut, too. I'd best not tell a soul about this. The doctor's who superficially examined me at the hospital knew.  Their faces showed sympathy as they questioned me, and I continued to deny I had been raped.  I refused a gynecological exam, and they kept asking me if I was sure.  'They shouldn't get away with this', the kindly doctor said, but, when I glanced over at mom's stern face, I knew what I had to do. 

Needless to say, the men were never named, never brought to court and prosecuted.  They totally got away with violating my body. I've never forgot that I raped, but I have learned how to deal with the memory.  The anger and outrage is still there.  And yes, I do regret that I let them go so easily.  That is something I will never forgive myself for. The following are some of today's statistics:

Rape has been called 'the most under-reported violent crime in America'.

Only 61% of rapes are never reported to the police.

In reported rapes there is a 50.8% chance that an arrest will be made.

If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution.

Nearly 85% of victims knew their attacker

More than 40% of incidents involve more than one assailant

National Sexual Assault Hotline  (800) 656- HOPE(4673)