A Strong Woman vs. A Woman of Strength!

A strong woman works out everyday to keep her body in shape… But a woman of strength builds relationships to keep her soul in shape A strong woman isn't afraid of anything… But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear. A strong woman won't let anyone get the better of her… But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone. A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future… A woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be unexpected blessings, and capitalizes on them A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face… But a woman of strength wears grace. A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey… But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong. Copyright © 2005 Dee Cheeks

Monday Quote

Reflect on how much pain you’ve suffered, and remember your abuser’s broken promises. Consider the fear you feel and how your children are being affected. Gather your courage to take action. Realize that God offers you real hope for a life free of abuse. Take stock of trustworthy people with whom you may safely share your story. Start by telling one person as soon as you can. Then reach out to others so you’re not relying just one person to meet all your needs.”

Whitney Hopler

Today's Quote

“The next time the abuser tells you that the reason he is abusive towards you is something you have done, remind yourself that no one is ever responsible for another person’s actions. The next time the abuser tells you that he wouldn’t get so angry with you if you would just try harder, remind yourself of how hard you have been trying and how little effect your efforts have had on his actions. And most important, the next time you are lying in bed crying over something the abuser has said or done, remind yourself of who you were before you met him.”

Source Unknown

Quote of the Day done

Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind.

Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time.

From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person,

filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand,

uplifted and positive in every thought and deed.

-- Eileen Caddy --

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic violence is America's hidden war. And the battleground is in all our homes. 

-Michelle Bussolot-

Sort of a Rant

“There are none more abusive to others than they that lie most open to it themselves; but the humor goes round, and he that laughs at me today will have somebody to laugh at him tomorrow.”

Seneca Quotes

I don't post on this blog often.  I guess I have just about run out of things to say.  But I do keep it open and try every once in awhile to post a positive quote or a poem. There is so much information on this blog that I would never think of closing it. If I can help to save even one woman, it has all been worth it.  Some of you have commented and cried out your story, and my heart goes out to all of you. I have been there, and I feel your pain.  I wish there was more I could do than just post some phone numbers or advice. Too many of us women have been or are being abused.  And that is why this blog is staying put--no matter what the spammers and woman haters might want. 

Although none of you readers ever get to see it, this blog is a magnet for all kinds of spam. I've never seen so much of it directed at one blog. It seems to draw all those who want to advertise sex or sexual toys and steer someone to their blog. And, of course, there are those whose comments do nothing but degrade women. What really gets my gall is that it appears most of these spammers are women, and  I am appalled that women would be the ones who try to make something dirty out of a blog that might one day save someone's life.  And, of course, all of them are anonymous, too cowardly to show their face. Yes, they could be men, but for all appearances, the sexual commentors are females. One post actually drew 17 comments, none of them worth repeating.

But it also makes me realize that, although we women have come a long way, we still have a long way to go. When I see, through the comments elicited here, how intimidated some are by a simple blog, I worry about our sisters throughout the world. So, today I light a candle of hope and prayer that one day we women will be able to speak out without fear of retribution or ridicule.  I light this candle that one day we may all be free. 

This blog will not be closed.  As a survivor of domestic violence, I know what it feels like to think you are all alone, that no one cares.     It will remain open and I will try to get here more often.  So stop wasting your time and do something useful with your life by reaching out to help another who is suffering and in pain. Your comments and sales pitches will never get through.

Thanks for letting me share. 

Labor Day Repost

1765  The first society of working women, the 'Daughters of Liberty', is organized.

1824  Women workers strike for the first time in history at Pawtucket, Rhode Island. 102 women workers strike in support of brother weavers protesting the simultaneous reduction in wages and extension of the workday.

1825  'The United Tailoresses of New York' is formed.  It is the first union for women only.

1831  In February of this year, almost 1600 women, all members of the United Tailoresses of New York, strike for "a just price for our labor."

1845  The 'Female Labor Reform Association' is formed in Lowell, Massachusetts by Sarah Bagley and other women cotton mill workers to reduce the work day from 12 or 13 hours a day to 10, and to improve sanitation and safety in the mills where they worked.

1853  Antoinette Brown becomes the first U.S. woman to be ordained as a Protestant minister.

1867  Cigar makers are the first national union to accept women and African Americans.  

1869  In July, women shoemakers form the 'Daughters of St. Crispin', the first national union of women workers, at Lynn, Massachusetts.

1872  Congress passes a law giving women federal employee equal pay for equal work.

1881  In Atlanta, Georgia almost 3,000 black women laundry workers stage one of the largest and most effective strikes in the history of the south. 

1888 Suffragists win passage of a law requiring women doctors for women patients in mental institutions.

1889  Jane Adams founds Hull House in Chicago to assist the poor. It becomes a model for many other settlement houses and establishes social work as a profession for women.

1892  Mary Kenney O'Sullivan of the Bindery Workers is appointed the AFL's first female national organizer.

1898 Charlotte Perkins Gillman wrote 'Women and Economics' which argues that women need to be economically independent.

1899  The National Consumers League is formed with Florence Kelley as its president. The League organizes women to use their power as consumers to push for better working conditions and protective law for women workers.

1903  Mary Harris "Mother Jones" Jones leads a protest march of mill children, many of who were victims of industrial accidents, from Philadelphia to New York, At the AFL convention in Boston, women unionists unite to form the National Women's Trade Union League and elect Mary Morton Kehew president and Jane Addams vice-president. The National Women's Trade Union League (WTUL) is established to advocate for improved wages and working conditions for women.

  

1909   20,000 female shirtwaist workers in New York State strike against sweatshop conditions.

1910  The wives of striking miners arrested in Greensburg, Pennsylvania sing their way out of jail under the leadership of Mother Jones.

1912  In Lawrence, Massachusetts the IWW leads a strike of 23,000 men, women and children in the  "Bread & Roses" Strike, hailed as the first successful multi-ethnic strike (see History Matters).

Teddy Roosevelt's Bull Moose Party became the first major political party to include a woman's suffrage plank in its official platform.

1916  Jeannette Rankin became the first women elected to the United States House of Representatives. Ms. Rankin served two terms in the House from (1916-1918 and (1940-1942)

1917  During WWI women's wartime work in heavy industry and public service jobs expanded women's roles in society.

1919  August 26, United Mine Workers' organizer Fannie Sellins, a widowed mother of four, is shot to death by coal company guards while leading strikers in Brackenridge, Pennsylvania.

1920  The Women's Bureau of the Department of Labor is formed to collect information about women in the workforce and safeguard good working conditions for women

1931  In September, Clara Holden, National Textile Workers' Union organizer is abducted and beaten by vigilantes in Greenville, South Carolina.

1933  Francis Perkins, the first women in a presidential cabinet, served as Secretary of Labor throughout the Roosevelt administration, 1933-1945.

1934  Florence Ellinwood Allen becomes first woman on US Court of Appeals

1935  Mary McLeod Bethune organizes the National Council of Negro Women, a coalition of black women's groups that lobbies against job discrimination, racism, and sexism.

1936  President FDR appointed Ms. Bethune to serve as director or Negro Affairs of the National Youth Administration in 1936 making her the first African-American women to be a presidential advisor.

1941  The shortage of workers caused by WWII opens a wide range of high-paying jobsto women. Almost seven million women enter the workforce, including two million in heavy industry.

  

1961  President John Kennedy establishes the President's Commission on the Status of Women and appoints Eleanor Roosevelt as chairwoman. The report issued by the Commission in 1963 documents substantial discrimination against women in the workplace and makes specific recommendations for improvement, including fair hiring practices, paid maternity leave, and affordable child care.

1963  In June, Congress passes the Equal Pay Act, making it illegal for employers to pay a woman less than what a man would receive for the same job.

1964  Title VII of the Civil Rights Act bars discrimination in employment on the basis of race and sex. At the same time it establishes the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) to investigate complaints and impose penalties.

1965  Aileen Hernandex was the first woman appointed to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. In 1971 she was elected president of NOW.

1966  The National Org for Women NOW is formed  by a group of feminists including Betty Friedan. The largest women's rights group in the U.S. NOW seeks to end sexual discrimination, especially in the workplace, by means of legislative lobbying, litigation, and public demonstrations.

1967  Executive Order 11375 expands President Lyndon Johnson's affirmative action policy of 1965 to cover discrimination based on gender. As a result, federal agencies and contractors must take active measures to ensure that women as well as minorities enjoy the same educational and employment opportunities as white males.

1968  The EEOC rules that sex-segregated help wanted ads in newspapers are illegal. This ruling is upheld in 1973 by the Supreme Court, opening the way for women to apply for higher-paying jobs hitherto open only to men.

Shirley Chisholm is the first Black woman elected to U.S. Congress.  

1969  Mary Moultrie organizes the successful strike of 550 black women hospital workers for union representation in Charleston, South Carolina.

1970  In Schultz v. Wheaton Glass Co., a U.S. Court of Appeals rules that jobs held by men and women need to be "substantially equal" but not "identical" to fall under the protection of the Equal Pay Act. An employer cannot, for example, change the job titles of women workers in order to pay them less than men.

1972  The Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) is passed by Congress and sent to the states for ratification. Originally drafted by Alice Paul in 1923, the amendment reads: "Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex." The amendment died in 1982 when it failed to achieve ratification by a minimum of 38 states. 

1974  In Corning Glass Works v. Brennan, the U.S. Supreme Court rules that employers cannot justify paying women lower wages because that is what they traditionally received under the "going market rate." A wage differential occurring "simply because men would not work at the low rates paid women" is unacceptable.

November 13, Karen Gay Silkwood, a lab tech at the Cimeron plutonium plant and officer of the Oil, Chemical, and Atomic Workers Union local in Oklahoma City dies mysteriously en route to a union meeting with a newspaper reporter.

1978  The Pregnancy Discrimination Act bans employment discrimination against pregnant women. Under the Act, a woman cannot be fired or denied a job or a promotion because she is or may become pregnant, nor can she be forced to take a pregnancy leave if she is willing and able to work.

100,000 women and men march in support of the Equal Rights Amendment in Washington, D.C.

1981  Sandra Day O'Connor was the first woman appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court.

1983  Sally Ride was the first American woman in space.

1985  Wilma Mankiller became the first woman Principal Chief of a major American Indian tribe, the Cherokee Nation in Oklahoma.

1990  Women serve in combat for the first time, during the Gulf War.

And this is not, by any means, the end of it.  The list continues to grow.  Let us take this Labor Day to salute these women who came before us and paved the way for our rights. 

Quote of the Day

It is better to die on your feet

than live on your knees.

Dolores Ibarruri

in a 1936 speech

Many attribute the above quotation to Zapata, who said something along the same lines "It is better to die standing than to live a century on your knees." It is also often misquoted, partly because it is translated from Spanish; she actually said, "It is better to die on one's feet than to live on one's knees," which doesn't sound so cumbersome in Spanish as it does in English.

It was actually coined by Dolores Ibarruri, a Spanish Communist leader, who earned a legendary reputation as an impassioned and very talented orator during the Spanish Civil War. Spanish Communist leader, who earned a legendary reputation as an impassioned orator during the Spanish Civil War.  Hemingway  wrote about her in 'For Whom the Bell Tolls'.

Today's Quote

Too often, older women are seen as victims, but I know lots of formidable women who have marvellous jobs as well as a full erotic life, and children and friends and family.

Francesca Annis

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;

When the funds are low, and the debts are high;

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;

When care is pressing you down a bit

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;

And you can never tell how close you are;

It may be near when it seems afar.

So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

Author Unknown

Today's Quote

Women often postpone their lives, thinking that if they're not with a partner then it doesn't really count. They're still searching for their prince, in a way. And as much as we don't discuss that, because it's too embarrassing and too sad, I think it really does exist.

Jane Campion

Today's Quote

This conference of, for and about women is, in itself, a rainbow in the clouds. When numerous women come together and show that they care, not only for themselves but also for each other, that is the occasion when a rainbow is shining down on somebody else.

Maya Angelou

Our Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others."

 Marianne Williamson - from "A Return To Love" 

Quote of the Day

When you feel that you have reached the end

and that you cannot go one step further,

when life seems to be drained of all purpose -

what a wonderful opportunity to start all over again,

to turn over a new page.

--Eileen Caddy--

Quote of the Day

I, the fiery life of divine essence, am aflame beyond the beauty of the meadows,

I gleam in the waters, and I burn in the sun, moon, and stars....I awaken everything to life.

-Hildergard of Bingen -

Temperance Reform Clubs

Air — "Perhaps"

Some enterprising people,

In our cities and towns,

Have gone to organizing clubs

Of men that's fallen down;

In estimation fallen low —

Now they may rise again,

And be respected citizens

Throughout our native land.

CHORUS:

The temperance reform club,

Forever may it stand,

And everyone that loves strong drink

Pray, join it heart and hand.

Then many a home will be bright,

And many a heart made glad,

It will be the greatest blessing

This nation ever had.

Manufacturers of strong drink

Can find better employ,

Than bring to ruin poor families,

And thousand souls destroy,

Likewise proprietors of saloons

Lose many a customer;

Those men now rather stay at home,

That place they now prefer.

Chorus —

Don't be ashamed to wear your badge

Of ribbon on your breast,

It shows you've joined the club to be

A man among the rest.

Your kindred friends will love to see

You honored, sober man,

And all the friends that wish you well

Will help you if they can.

Chorus —

Perhaps you have a mother,

Likewise a sister, too;

Perhaps you have a sweetheart

That thinks the most of you.

Perhaps you have a loving wife,

And little ones at home,

Their hearts rejoice to see that you

Can let strong drink alone.

Chorus —

Many a man joined the club

That never drank a drachm,

Those noble men were kind and brave

They care not for the slang —

The slang they meet on every side:

"You're a reform drunkard, too;

You've joined the red ribbon brigade,

Among the drunkard crew."

Chorus —

It shows their hearts were very kind,

They wish to save poor souls

That loved the intoxication cup,

That signed the temperance roll.

Dear friends, ever keep rolling

The work you have begun,

Those noble men will not repent,

I hope, throughout our land.

Chorus —

Dr. Reynolds is a noble man,

He has worked hard to save

Some people in our cities and towns,

From out a drunkard's grave.

There is other men to help him now,

He lectures not alone

Many a heart that blesses them

From out now happy homes.

Julia A Moore

Today's Quote

I do not consider divorce an evil by any means. It is just as much a refuge for women married to brutal men as Canada was to the slaves of brutal masters.

Susan B. Anthony

Portrait of a Batterer

Several years ago, as a counselor working with parolees, I was asked to run a group, not for the victims, but for the batterers.  Most of the men, and one woman, in my group would not stand out in a crowd.  No one would know for they hid it well.  All were extremely charming, and all denied that they were guilty of anything.  Some complained that it had happened years ago, and why should it have to follow them through life?  One, especially stood out.

He'd once been a fairly wealthy man, a business executive who'd amassed a small fortune for himself, his wife, and his teen-daughters.  All seemed perfect in their lives, but he was a very 'cold' and 'unloving' man.  Eventually, the night came when his wife asked for a divorce.  At first, he did not respond.  He waited until she was in bed, and then he went into the bedroom and beat her in the head with a barbell...his teen-age daughters watching in horror.  

He was arrested, convicted, and imprisoned. His wife survived and had endure several operations.  Eventually the court awarded her his entire fortune.  What I saw in group was a man who lacked any sort of remorse whatsoever, a true sociopath.  In fact, he blamed her for what happened every chance he got and on several occasions expressed his anger that 'that bitch got all my money.'  Listening to him made my skin crawl. 

This is quite common in relationships ravished by domestic violence. The typical batterer refuses to be responsible for their violent actions or for the harm they cause. They learn to deny  responsibility for their behaviors , minimize injury, and  project blame onto the victim . I've found that may often deny that the abuse occurred or minimize the impact of their assaultive behavior.  "She hit me first.  What was I supposed to do?" announced a 250 pound man who beat his wife so severely that she has lost sight in her left eye.  "I just shoved her a little.  It's not my fault that she slipped and hit her head."  "It's all her fault.  She knows not to pick at me when I've been drinking."

Batterers are notorious for making the family afraid by using actions and gestures.  They smash things, destroy the victim's property, may abuse pets, children, and even display weapons.  Making family members feel bad about themselves is a prime form of emotional abuse.  The victims, when they are not being physically beaten down, are humiliated by name calling, mind games, and being made to feel ashamed or guilty. The following are some other characteristics to look for:

--A batterer will often blow up in anger over the smallest of incidents. They take everything personally and are easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings as an excusewhen very angry.

--A batterer is usually excessively jealous.  When the relationship is just getting off the ground, the batter may claim that jealousy is a sign of his or her love. The truth is, jealousy has nothing to do with love. It comes from the batterer's low self-esteem and insecurities.

--The batterer is often a drug or alcohol abuser...although neither are the cause of the violence per se.

--The batterer will often make verbal threats such as, "Keep it up and I'll smack your face" or "I’ll kill you".  They rationalize this by saying  "Everybody talks like that". And they probably DO believe this because most batterers grew up emulating an abusive father.

--The batterer is moody and unpredictable, nice one moment and explosive the next.  

--The batterer will discourage your relationships with family and friends in an effort to isolate the victim. 

--The batterer will usually control all of the finances and force the victim to account for whatever they spend.

The Prayer of Women

O spirit that broods upon the hills

And moves upon the face of the deep,

And is heard in the wind,

Save us from the desire of men's eyes,

And the cruel lust of them.

Save us from the springing of the cruel seed

In that narrow house which is as the grave

For darkness and loneliness . . .

That women carry with them with shame, and weariness,

and long pain,

Only for the laughter of man's heart,

And for the joy that triumphs therein,

And the sport that is in his heart,

Wherewith he mocketh us,

Wherewith he playeth with us,

Wherewith he trampleth upon us . . .

Us, who conceive and bear him;

Us, who bring him forth;

Who feed him in the womb, and at the breast, and

at the knee:

Whom he calleth mother and wife,

And mother again of his children and his children's

children.

Ah, hour of the hours,

When he looks at our hair and sees it is grey;

And at our eyes and sees they are dim;

And at our lips straightened out with long pain;

And at our breasts, fallen and seared as a barren hill;

And at our hands, worn with toil !

Ah, hour of the hours,

When, seeing, he seeth all the bitter ruin and wreck of us--

All save the violated womb that curses him --

All save the heart that forbeareth . . . for pity --

All save the living brain that condemneth him --

All save the spirit that shall not mate with him --

All save the soul he shall never see

Till he be orfe with it, and equal;

He who hath the bridle, but guideth not;

He who hath the whip, yet is driven;

He who as a shepherd calleth upon us,

But is himself a lost sheep, crying among the hills!

O Spirit, and the Nine Angels who watch us,

And Thou, white Christ, and Mary Mother of Sorrow,

Heal us of the wrong of man:

We whose breasts are weary with milk,

Cry, cry to Thee, O Compassionate!

--Fiona Macleod--

Quote of the Day

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience

in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt --

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown

The Oyster

There once was an oyster

Whose story I tell,

Who found that some sand

Had got into his shell.

It was only a grain,

but it gave him great pain.

For oysters have feelings

Although they're so plain.

Now, did he berate

the harsh workings of fate

That had brought him

To such a deplorable state?

Did he curse at the government,

Cry for election,

And claim that the sea should

Have given him protection?

"No,' he said to himself

As he lay on a shell,

Since I cannot remove it,

I shall try to improve it.

Now the years have rolled around,

As the years always do,

And he came to his ultimate

Destiny stew.

And the small grain of sand

That had bothered him so

Was a beautiful pearl

All richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral,

for isn't it grand

What an oyster can do

With a morsel of sand?

What couldn't we do

If we'd only begin

With some of the things

That get under our skin.

Author Unknown

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Take Time:

Take time to think-

It is the source of all power.

Take time to read-

It is the fountain of wisdom.

Take time to play-

It is the source of perpetual youth.

Take time to be quiet-

It is the opportunity to seek God.

Take time to be aware-

It is the opportunity to help others.

Take time to love and be loved-

It is God’s greatest gift.

Take time to laugh-

It is the music of the soul.

Take time to be friendly-

It is the road to happiness.

Take time to dream-

It is what the future is made of.

Take time to pray-

It is the greatest power on earth.

Today's Quote

Women have always been the strong ones of the world. The men are always seeking from women a little pillow to put their heads down on. They are always longing for the mother who held them as infants.

Coco Chanel

(Isn't she spectacular?)

Today's Quote

Human trafficking is a growing reality in the United States and the Senate's action is an important step in fighting it. This new law not only strengthens the current trafficking law, it also grants additional funds to help prosecute sex trafficking offenders and offers protection to victims of this heinous crime.

Janice Crouse

Today's Quote

The women of the country have the power in their own hands, in spite of the law and the government being altogether of the male order.

Victoria Woodhull

Be Good To You

Be yourself... truthfully.

Accept yourself... gratefully.

Value yourself... completely.

Treat Yourself... generously.

Balance Yourself... harmoniously.

Bless Yourself... abundantly.

Trust Yourself... confidently.

Love Yourself... wholeheartedly.

Empower Yourself... prayerfully.

Give Yourself... enthusiastically.

Express Yourself... radiantly.

Honor Yourself... purposefully.

-- Author Unknown--

Through the Eyes of a Child

Did I do something wrong

to make you lose control?

Anger so strong or do you even know?

that when you come home

I want to run and hide

The pain is so deep

that i keep it inside

I'm not the same

because of you

Always afraid of what you'll do

If only you could see

yourself through my eyes

You’d know why (I’m

dying inside)

Sometimes I need a firm, but gentle hand

Someone who cares

and understands

that I am still learning

But I just can’t take this

abuse, from you

There is no excuse

I’m not the same

because of you

Always afraid of what you'll do

If only you could see

yourself through my eyes

You’d know why (I’m

dying inside)

This is no way to live if

you try to change I’ll try

to forgive.


From CHANCE (Changing How Adults

Nurture Children's Egos) -Located on the ACADV website.