A Tribute to Womanhood

Welcome to "I Am Woman"...a tribute to all those women who had the courage and perseverance to stand up and fight for their rights. Thanks to those who came before us we enjoy a freedom unknown to women not too long ago. But, sadly, in many parts of the world, women continue to be repressed. In fact, even in this country there are women living today under the threat of violence...completely controlled by a violent spouse. Some may make it; others won't. Hopefully, one day ALL women will be free. May that day come soon.


Why Do Some Women Continue to Get Involved With Abusive Men?

You don't have to say a word. She already knows he is bad news, but she loves him and honestly believes that he loves her. Doesn't he bring her flowers and tells her he loves her, that it will never happen again?  And she believes him because she wants to believe. She wants to be loved, and she has a need TO love.  Women as nurturers often find themselves saving relationships.  He is just misunderstood, she says, no one ever loved him right, so he just doesn't know how.  The list of excuses is endless,and the danger we see them in is very real.

What makes it even worse is that we see them repeating the pattern...over and over again...going from one abuser to the next, and each one worse then the last.  They really believe that if they love him enough, they change him. More than likely you know someone, or suspect that someone, or even you yourself may be that someone who lives in an abusive home.  Why do women choose men abusive men?  There are many reasons. 

Some women with extremely low self-esteem believe that THEY are at fault, that they are the ones to blame for abuse. Many have been brainwashed for so long that when he validates their own feelings of lack, they cling to him, needing that reminder of their lack of worth.  They make every excuse under the sun for their partner and twist the truth around until it does  appear that she is at fault, and when this continues to happen, over and over again, she eventually starts to believe it herself. 
Women who grew up in abusive homes are also susceptible. They women reach adulthood believing that this type behavior is normal and acceptable. They've grown up watching their mother get hit and shoved around by their father...and saw that that they always made up, so she is more inclined to put up with the same kind of abuse. It is simply a matter of not knowing that is abnormal and should not be tolerated. In some of the saddest cases, there are women who deliberately seek out domineering men for there is something about being treated badly that satisfies some need within themselves. Perhaps they feel as if they deserve to be abused.  Some women feel they may never be able to find someone better so they settle.

We can only hope and pray the day will come when they finally realize who they are and recognize their true value. Sometimes we reach out to help, and it backfires on us.  I had a neighbor, a friend, and one day She was screaming and I found her husband with his hands around her throat.  I called the police as she asked. She never spoke to me again after that day.  So, what do we do? In the meantime, we must continue to remind them they are never alone. They are worthy of love, honor, and respect. Let them know that we may not love their choices, but we will always love them. Speak to them in a way that they know that regardless of what they may be feeling, they are loved, and that love should never hurt.


  1. This morning, the BF and I had almost the same discussion, about why women from societies where decades were spent on gaining equal rights for women and stopping men from being abusive a****les would feel the need to throw themselves at guys from patriarchal cultures and be treated badly by them.


  2. This was me some years ago...I'd been raised in an abusive home and somehow ended up with an abuser...I lived it for almost 6 years with the Father of my children until one day a switch just went off in me and I knew I had to escape and I did. I don't know where the courage came from except to say Mother God...I woke him up in the middle of the night holding a baseball bat over his head and told him if he ever hit me again, I'd kill him while he slept. He never hit me again, and I moved some 2400 miles away...
    I cried for a year but somehow in all of that mess, I became. I became. When I look back on that time it is almost surreal...but here I am...and I have long been an advocate for Abused Women. It is so good to see you doing this here Mary...you just don't know how much I care about this very passionate subject! And give Kudos to all women who have survived this way of life...

    Many, many blessings!

  3. If there is a 'need' to seek out or stay with an abusive man it more than likely to be unconcious for the woman. Until she learns what that need is the decision to leave creates phycholoigcal distress espceially if children are involved if the man cotrols the finaces he more than likely control the whole situation. Think of it like the woman is under a spell! It takes a lot of courage to leave to start again alone with children and more than likely the woman has to fight against all which she knows. It is the best decison I ever made.

  4. I have a friend now that I am trying to get back but she says she is going to give her ex a second chance. This guy controlled and abused everything about her. Even forced sex out of her. I admit I continuously annoyed her with being insecure and assuming things. She told me several times to stop because I was assuming and accusing her of things for no reason. Because of this I feel she made me a better man by making me aware of these issues within me so I do work on them. I have a question though. I really love and care for this girl. Is there any way I can win her heart back and get her away from this guy.