Sex should not be by force. It must not be under duress never give room for 'marital rape.' You can encourage each other, you can influence and seduce, but never have sex by force.
Has your partner ever made you have sex when you didn’t want to?
Have you ever been uncomfortable with a sexual request from your partner, but did it anyway?
Have you ever had sex with your partner because you were afraid Have you ever given into sex because your partner would not stop harassing you about it?
Marital rape is so destructive because it betrays the fundamental basis of the marital relationship, because it questions every understanding you have not only of your partner and the marriage, but of yourself. You end up feeling betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused. Of all sexual assaults, marital rape is the most under reported. Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such. The traditional idea that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say 'no', is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands. A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband, and while she may realize that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from perceiving it in such a light.
- Feelings of betrayal
- Guilt
- Anger
- Fear
- Humiliation
- Denial
Longer-term effects can include:
- Inability to trust
- Flashbacks
- Fear of intimacy
- Nightmares
- Acute fear of being assaulted again
- Sexual dysfunction
I can remember the fear I felt if I didn't ....put out.
ReplyDeleteAnd the eeeeeek that would escape my lips as I tried to keep from screaming at the repulsiveness of having sex with a man I no longer loved.
I can certainly identify with that one. Your body is no longer your own. I remember dissociating and going elsewhere until he was done.
ReplyDeleteI remember sex was a chore...I put out because he wined about it. Why? No idea--he was sleeping with other women during our entire relationship.
ReplyDeleteAfter we broke up, I tried to stay friends. At a bar with mutual friends, I had one drink and was apparently acting very drunk. He had drugged me, then raped me in a motel room...and I only remember leaning on a friend's friend for balance, then waking up in my ex's car the next morning in front of my house.
It must have been awful for you. I was living with a man who was a sex addict for awhile. I didn't know it at first, but then he started staying out all night long and coming home with love bites on his neck. It went on and on at least 5 nights a week. I hated sex because I always had a fear he would bring something home to me. One day I had enough and told him to leave. He cried, but I didn't break down. I had to let him go.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, this makes my heart hurt so much...I had forgotten this I had buried it so deep and now I almost feel like vomiting.
ReplyDeleteAt the time it happened I had decided I was going to divorce my one and only husband and when he forced me to have sex he told me it wasn't against the law because I'd been withholding sex from him...he had an attorney who told him so. That was in the 70's. I couldn't believe it and after that left him lock, stock, and barrel. This has struck a chord deep within today that I really need to deal with. Oh God, why today? Shit!!!!!!
Thank you for stating these ugly truths clearly and concisely. It is undeniable and the defining lines cannot be blurred. For 6 years I was monogamous to a partner who eagerly practiced emotional and physical infidelity. All the while he insisted my past sexual trauma was preventing us from connecting intimately. Now I see clearly. My anxiety and disassociation came from him violating my body boundaries, demeaning my personal power, degrading my beliefs, dismissing my perspective, rejecting our relationship goals in action while verbally developing them as a team, and lying about his thoughts and motives and past. I refused to get married 6 months in, so he forcibly sodomized me, repeatedly after I denied consent, to ”claim his rightful place as husband” in my body. He forced sex on me while pregnant and shamed the resulting panic attacks. He raped me unconscious in front of my sleeping 8 yo daughter. All that wasn’t as scary as how the whole world still thinks he’s Mr. Perfect and I’m self victimizing. Reading these accounts validated my experiences. I’m not crazy or self victimizing. I was groomed for and targeted by partner violence and sexual assault.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stating these ugly truths clearly and concisely. It is undeniable and the defining lines cannot be blurred. For 6 years I was monogamous to a partner who eagerly practiced emotional and physical infidelity. All the while he insisted my past sexual trauma was preventing us from connecting intimately. Now I see clearly. My anxiety and disassociation came from him violating my body boundaries, demeaning my personal power, degrading my beliefs, dismissing my perspective, rejecting our relationship goals in action while verbally developing them as a team, and lying about his thoughts and motives and past. I refused to get married 6 months in, so he forcibly sodomized me, repeatedly after I denied consent, to ”claim his rightful place as husband” in my body. He forced sex on me while pregnant and shamed the resulting panic attacks. He raped me unconscious in front of my sleeping 8 yo daughter. All that wasn’t as scary as how the whole world still thinks he’s Mr. Perfect and I’m self victimizing. Reading these accounts validated my experiences. I’m not crazy or self victimizing. I was groomed for and targeted by partner violence and sexual assault.
ReplyDelete