The Obsessive Ex

Many years ago I had an alcoholic boyfriend who just didn't want to 'let go' after I broke up with him.  If it wasn't a barrage of telephone calls threatening suicide if I didn't go back with him, it was the stalking.  It was like wherever I went, there he was.  I was quite the risk-taker back then, young and fool-hearted, and he didn't scare me.  I thought nothing of approaching his car and ordering him to leave me alone.  Today, I know better.  Today I know that an obsessive ex can be more than just annoying; today I realize that he can be downright dangerous.  Some people are totally unable to  let go of a partner after a break, and their stalking, calling, harassing, and sometimes even threatening can take quite an emotional toll on the victim. 

A balanced person will eventually realize that the  relationship is indeed over and move on.    An obsessive ex does not see a break-up the same way and will not accept that the relationship is over.   In his view, that is not her decision to make.  He may just think the argument is a little more serious than others, after it is over,  the partner will take them back. One word stalkers cannot seem to comprehend is the word No.  After all, it is totally unthinkable that their partner may not want them. Rejection is not even in their vocabulary.  To them it is maybe and no matter what you do to get rid of them they will see things differently. They often believe their ex loves them even when they do not. This delusional thinking makes it so hard for a victim to get the point across.

They will work as hard as they can to get back the person of their dreams...you.  Next comes the pleading and the romantic gestures which are often looked upon with pity, and it is not uncommon for family and friends to encourage the person who has ended the relationship to take the ex back.  Stalkers have a knack for bending the truth.  My mom thought my ex was the greatest and that I was making a big mistake letting him go.  Of course, I also heard that I would never attract anything better. 

If you think your ex has turned stalker, stop all communication with  If others try to persuade you to see them,  tell them it is your decision to make, not theirs. Do not respond any of their texts emails or letters.  If you have been communicating on the Internet with them, stop  immediately.  Change your email address and any nickname you may have used. Set yourself up with a brand new identity.

If they do not stop hassling you go to the police or your local law enforcement agency.  Remember, there have been any number of tragic

cases where obsessive behaviour/stalking by ex-partners has led to violence – even rape or murder.  By taking your situation seriously and getting help, now you are taking steps to protect yourself and your family.