Cycle of Abuse

The goal of an abuser is control.  They want the victim to behave in ways that they want the victim to behave.  They achieve this with abuse.  Domestic violence falls into a specific pattern, the cycle of abuse.  The following is an example of how the cycle works.

A man abuses his partner, then, after hitting her, he begins to feel remorse.  He tells her he is sorry that he hurt her and that it won't happen again, but what he doesn't tell her is "because I am afraid I might get caught."  (My situation was similar to this.  My ex had been pretty free with his hands until one time I picked up the phone to call 911.  When he tried to take the phone from me, I lashed out with the receiver and hit him in the head.  He was an actor and was so worried about my messing up his face, that  he never hit me again. I can hear his thoughts, "because she will hit back and scar me.  Then I will be ugly)   He buys her flowers and tells her how much he loves her....the pursuit phase.  He is trying to win her back.  They enter the honeymoon stage.  All is well...on the outside...because by now, the irrational thoughts are once again beginning to creep in.  In his mind, he rationalizes his abuse, "she deserved it; the slut is cheating on me."  Now, mind you, she has been true to him since the day they married.  

And the more he thinks about this, the angrier he becomes.  In his mind, he begins plotting ways to get even with her.  Tension is beginning to build.  He tells her to go to the store for him; he gives her a certain amount of time to get the shopping done.....She gets caught up in traffic on the way home, and when she arrives, he is there waiting for her.   He is now at the explosion stage.  

She knew this was going to happen.  She has been through this before.  So, why does she go back?  We will go over this in the next installment.