A Tribute to Womanhood

Welcome to "I Am Woman"...a tribute to all those women who had the courage and perseverance to stand up and fight for their rights. Thanks to those who came before us we enjoy a freedom unknown to women not too long ago. But, sadly, in many parts of the world, women continue to be repressed. In fact, even in this country there are women living today under the threat of violence...completely controlled by a violent spouse. Some may make it; others won't. Hopefully, one day ALL women will be free. May that day come soon.


How to Deal With a Stalker

Unfortunately, many of us will have to deal with a stalker in some way or another at some point in their lives.  It may be an ex-spouse or lover...or, it may be the new lover or spouse of your ex.  It may be someone you work with or someone you say 'hello' to at the supermarket. It is someone who just wants to be with you and thinks you will you will want to be with them to, if you only give them a chance.  At best, it is a very frightening experience; at its worst, it can be dangerous and deadly.

How you deal with your stalker depends on several factors: Who are they?;  Why are they are stalking you?; and how dangerous do you think they might be?  How they are stalking you is also important.  For example, a cyberstalker who follows you online can be fairly easily dealth with by blocking him from most website;  Phone numbers can be changed and blocked. For physical stalker, it may call for involving the police

Your first step is to identify who your stalker is.  In most cases, it will probably be someone who you know.  If it is an ex-lover or spouse, they are either stalking you because they want you back or because they want revenge.  Either way, they feel like you have done them wrong and believe their actions are justified.   If happens to be their new lover or spouse that's doing the stalking, it is likely that they are jealous of you and are afraid you will come between them.   Either way, it has the potential to become very dangerous.

If you find there can be no reasoning with the person, then you must cut off all contact. If possible, move. If not, take any measures necessary to secure your home. Change your locks, and install deadbolts if you do not already have them. Secure glass sliders with sawn-off broomsticks cut to fit the tracks. Be careful not to give your phone number or any other personal information to them, and make sure that any mutual friends do not give them this information. Practice an escape plan. Talk to trusted neighbors about procedures if any of you see a prowler.Consider getting a guard dog.

Now, when there are children between you, it becomes a more difficult situation as they may decide to use the children as an excuse for stalking. If you are in a custody battle, let the court system know what is going on.  Sometimes you wind up with a choice between visitation and privacy.  In this case, the visitation comes at a high price because when your privacy is compromised, they come up with more reasons to take you back to court.  If you don't know your stalker, you can call the police if they try to contact you.

Get a restraining order. Although this may upset your stalker, it will also make clear to him that hassling you is a crime. If the stalker violates the order, call the police immediately...no matter what the circumstances. If the stalker continues to harass you, make sure you keep a record of each incident, and tell everyone.  You have done nothing to be ashamed of so don't be afraid to let your friends help you.  Depending on the atmosphere at work, you may or may not want to share this information with your boss.

Join a support group. Victim advocates in district attorney’s offices can help you find one. Remember, there is strength in numbers. 


  1. Hi,

    I'm sorry, but no one has come up with a real
    effective way to get rid of these monsters !
    And I think it is unfair that a group of people
    should be allowed to roam the earth harassing
    people and making lives miserable the way stalkers do. For they are in every country,
    every state, every city, and every neighborhood.

    If you are the type that attracts the stalker
    like I am, fleeing to another place is no
    solution because wherever you go, you will
    attract another stalker because these creeps
    are on the look out for their victims every day
    all day. The victim is the stalkers food. And,
    sooner or later they will find you.

    Stalkers are like tumors: some tumors are benign
    and some tumors are malignant. But all tumors are
    ugly and they often grow back when you get them
    cut out.

  2. I have an upstairs neighbor who listens to every move I make and knocks down to let me know he is in whatever room I go in to. He even listens for when I go to my bed at night and knocks down. He acts all nice in front of the other neighbors so they think he is a quiet man but they don't live below him. He gives me the creeps.
    There is nothing I can do about this as he is doing those things inside his own apartment.I pray to God I win the lottery soon so as I can buy a house with no one above me.

  3. I have a stalker who stalks me at in a park during walks. He's been reported to the police .... he's approached me in the supermarket, though all the times that happened, the "timing" was coincidental. He's harassed me a LOT! So far it's mostly the public park + I've changed routes and times so I do not bump into him anymore or rarely. I had to do this because he started parking right next to me! I will be taking self defense SOON! And buying some weapons.

  4. I am sill having to put up with a stalker in the flat above me.Whatever time I get up in the morning..he gets up and whetever time I go to bed he goes to his in the room above mine and knocks down. He really gives me the creeps and there is nothing I can do about this. If I go to the police he will act all nice and they wont believe me. Please someone, please adivise me what I can do to sop this harrassment. Thank you.

  5. I am still sufering from the stalker in the flat above me. I don't get my right sleep any more as he jumps on his floor to wake me up if I do manage to sleep. There doesnt seem to be any help. I am a pensioner and I feel vulnerable.I dont know if he has mental issues or he he is just plain evil, but he is affecting m health and I cant afford to move, plus decent houses in nice areas are scarce in Scotland.My only hope is to win the lottery but thats just a dream.

    1. Don't make this your own personal fight. Confide in someone you know closely and ask their help.

      Record proof of what he is doing by asking a friend to stay over or silently recording the sound on video. Make formal complaint against him to your apartment management. Show them the proof. Get in touch with a police/law enforcement personnel whom you or your friends or your family might know to advise you on any legal action they can take against him.

    2. Thank you for your advice.